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Advice needed from menopausal women

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Notmetoo2011 posted 6/20/2013 15:21 PM

Okay, I need help here ladies. I'm nearly 49 and almost two years out from DDay. I am trying to R with my SAfWH who is remorseful and in recovery, going to his 12 step meetings etc. More and more it just doesn't seem to be enough. I'm still on the rollercoaster going up and down and round and round. Lately I'm more irritable, I have no interest in sex, and my emotions are all over the place. Throw in missed periods, sleep disturbances and occasional hot flashes and it sounds like classic menopausal symptoms. I'm so confused. Am I feeling this way because my hormone levels are out of whack or because I've finally realized that all the cheating was a deal breaker for me? I'm wondering whether I should ask my doctor to put me back on BCP for a few months to see if my feelings level off if the hormone drop is taken out of the equation.

Any thoughts or experiences are appreciated.

Tripletrouble posted 6/20/2013 15:48 PM

If you haven't already, you can have bloodwork to determine if you are peri menopausal. Often the early stages look as you've described.

Newlease posted 6/20/2013 15:55 PM

Poor dear. It is probably a combination of things. This is a sucky time of life to be dealing with this trauma.

I say consult with your Dr. Tell him not only your symptoms, but also all the stress you are under. You need some help to deal with all this.

Sending strength and peace.


SoVerySadNow posted 6/20/2013 17:09 PM

I'd check with your dr. Stress can cause all those things, as can heading into menopause.

daledge posted 6/20/2013 17:14 PM

Your symptoms do sound like you are entering menopause. But don't despair . . . there are things that you can do that will make you feel better. But do get to the doctor. And please go to a female one, hopefully, older than you!

Once you are through menopause, things will get better. You will see life with a new clarity. It's nice not having a period again and having the worry about getting pregnant.

Take care of yourself though, cause the symptoms are no picnic!

Lionne posted 6/20/2013 20:02 PM

I am not a medical person, and I am fully aware that herbal medicines are still drugs, and that every woman is different. That said, I, with my doctor's suggestion, took two herbal medications and BREEZED through menopause. (still have had rollercoaster emotions dealing with aftermath of SAfWH's hobbies, of course)

I'm just going to refer you to Andrew Weil's page instead of telling you what I took, it's more comprehensive.

But I also suggest you ask for a test for thyroid function and vitamin D levels. Mine were off, and undetected which affected how I felt and also affected my bone health.

I also take an old style antihistamine for sleep,'s prescribed for me because I have migraines and it helps to regulate my sleep. But I did take Benedryl, again, with my doctor's advice.

Hugs to you. Hard enough to deal with SA without having to deal with not feeling well, too...

Nature_Girl posted 6/20/2013 20:46 PM

When I had my first DDay my body was so shocked that I stopped having periods for like five or six months. Then I went through a phase of skipping periods then having them every couple of weeks, then skipping, then too often. After we separated I got very regular for a while, dammit! But then started skipping for months at a time again. That's where I am now. Going several months in between, and when a period happens it may or may not be like an actual period.

I thoroughly enjoy not having monthly periods.

For several years before DDay I was going through the night sweats, daytime hot flashes that were all over heat bombs, and mental fog. Those things are long over with. The occasional daytime heat bomb explodes, but not very often.

For sleep disturbances, I frequently wake up in the middle of the night and stay awake for a period of time before I can go back to sleep. I am awake awake, as in get up, read, goof on the computer, get a bowl of cereal, whatever. I didn't used to be this way.

Overall I feel so much better now that the monthly hormones are fading away. My thoughts are clearer, my emotions are more stable, I feel a million times more energetic & optimistic about life. In part this would be due to getting away from my perverted STBX. Freedom is a wonderful thing! But I can tell, though, that I am in greater control of myself. In part this is my freedom, in part this is lots of good counseling, but also in part it's because my body & mind aren't being tweaked each month from the hormones. And I like that.

[This message edited by Nature_Girl at 8:46 PM, June 20th (Thursday)]

RightTrack posted 6/21/2013 00:33 AM

I was lucky enough to go through menopause twice (once during chemo and once after hysterectomy). I couldn't take hormones due to the cancer risk. I had major anxiety, sleep problems and mood swings just based on post affair PTSD. Missed periods can also be stress but hot flashes sound like menopause. Yes, check with the doctor first. If he/she can't help I have found that cardio exercise and weights help me a lot with the sleep. Less alcohol and more green tea also help. When you start sleeping again and improve your muscle tone the sexy time feelings might follow.

Notmetoo2011 posted 6/21/2013 11:13 AM

Thanks to everyone for the advice. sK - I'll definitely check out Andrew Weil's website.

My doctor knows about my "situation" as I told him when I got tested for STDs following DDay. I'm due for a check-up so I'll see what he suggests. I'd just like to be able to separate those feelings that are influenced by what's going on in my body right now, from those caused by what's going on in my mind/ heart due to my circumstances.

Ostrich80 posted 6/21/2013 15:07 PM

I curious to see responses to this post. I had zero signs of menopause before my world came crashing down.. The last period I.had was 2weeks before DD. That was almost 4 yrs ago. Just another fn thing my lovely ws took from me.

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