almost 2 years out from dday.
I want to post it so that maybe someone new to this hell, if they are wanting to R and their FWS is doing the work, will have a little hope.
1. Shame: I felt it and I know the newcomers do to. What I have learned is it is not my shame but FWH shame to live with. Even with losing a long term friend, who turned her back on me during this, I have nothing to be ashamed about. This shit happens in all walks of life, and it lies at the feet of the people who broke their vow.
2nd. If you want to R, you HAVE to accept that this is now a part of your marital history. This is a hard thing and I think it comes before the forgiveness can come.
3rd. You will look at your FWS differently and that's not necessarily a BAD thing. I see him now much more clearly, as the flawed person he is. I have had to weigh the entire course of our relationship against what he has done.
We are almost 2 yrs out and still in MC, which I think is a good thing, but we are working on it. I hope this gives some people who want to R and they and their FWS have a little hope and take what you can from what I have learned.