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Titanium posted 6/20/2013 15:28 PM

So over the rollercoaster........DD was jan 12. A continued till Aug 12. Broke NC dec 12 & feb 13. Just feels like it will never end.

For me it feels like i went back to the start at feb 13.

We argue constantly and he just doesnt seem to "get it".

Does small things around the house...whoopie doo! Leaves his phone lying around now BUT if i happen to want to have a look, for no other reason but to bring comfort to my crazy mind, he gets upset. Says there is nothing in it.

Say A is over and i do believe this so why does he get angry. Really pisses me off and takes me back tote start. So bloody tired of that.

Still defensive and blameshifts which i am so OVER that......

I dont think he realises how very close he is to losing everything.

He is unwell at the moment with recurring migraines due to an attack last year when he was stabbed in the back. So yesterday he returned from seeing his doctor. Put his phone by the bed and rested for a while.

Came out to watch tv with us. Now i think i am doing the right thing by being caring toward him. Making him a meal, showing compassion etc.

After a show i went off to bed. As soon as i got in to bed he came straight in and grabbed his phone.
It really pissed me off for some reason. It just said to me that he didnt want me to look in his phone or he had something to hide.

Why did i let something this small tick me off? Is that reasonable?

I decided to share my feelings about it as i dont keep things bottled up anymore.......i am so much stronger now and really liking that about myself.

Just to add i did check his phone the other night and found heaps of "blonde porn sites" he had been looking at. It really upset me as the OW was blonde and i am a very dark brunette. We argued about that of course......

So........he tells me last night that he doesnt trust me.......WTF......he doesnt TRUST ME?........my blood boiled.....said i look in his phone and he doesnt like that.......well boo frigin hoo!

Unbelievable......i told him that the fact that he quickly took his phone
away from my reach just stopped the trust from growing but he got defensive as usual......

He doesnt get it and i am fed up with this behaviour. He is a porn addict so i am very close to sending him on his merry way, just his phone and his bag.....seems porn takes priority over me and our M........

Exhausted from being angry 24/7.

Definitely not in R like i thought we may have been.

Tripletrouble posted 6/20/2013 15:41 PM

(((titanium)))
If yours are too high then so are the expectations of all of us BSs. I feel like if they want to R, they need to meet us at our need, every day, in every way. I don't give a rat's ass if it seems reasonable. They sent us on a trip to crazy town we didn't ask for, and they have to take full responsibility for whatever fallout results.

1Faith posted 6/20/2013 17:20 PM

I hate the damn phone too. Major trigger bc they would text each other constantly. Such a false fantasy - so easy to hide behind text and email. Cowards.

My husband would take his phone to the bathroom. WTF ever.

So yes, I understand your issue with this.

Remorse is doing whatever we need to make us feel safe and secure. No shifty ass behavior.

He was the one that cheated and broke NC. He is the one who needs to prove he's trustworthy not you.

You are being very normal and reasonable. Don't let him blame shift this onto you.

180 his ass and move forward. He is still in his fog and its all about him.

He needs to be kissing the ground you walk on for taking his sorry, lying ass back not ridiculing you.

Stay strong.