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huRtZ413 posted 6/20/2013 17:19 PM

so i was thinking OW from WH ONS cant and wont be able to ever find him

she doesn't know his last name and to top it off he has a secret clearance that makes him not exist online.

sure its good i suppose little to no chance she will ever show her face (dont ever want to know what she looks like) but like i said before the "what if's " get to me . like pregnancy possibility ( even though the WS swears up and down NO WAY NO WAY can she be i used protection she had a condom and on top of that i didnt cum , i asked her to leave) ok so lets say thats true some part of me wants to believe it still women are evil (poking holes) you never know

so if god forbid she did end up prego how would i ever know how would he ever know she doesnt know shit about him ???? so what do go through life maybe , maybe not .

i think too much

1Faith posted 6/20/2013 17:33 PM

There is no way you will ever know all the truth. Never

Don't drive yourself crazy on the what if, how, why, etc.

If you are at all faith based - give it to God.

Accept what you cannot change. You have enough to deal with.


solus sto posted 6/20/2013 19:27 PM

1Faith has good advice: let go of what you cannot control.

Gently, OW is not your biggest concern. A husband with a security clearance that renders him invisible is.

Focus on your healing. Focus on the aspects of your relationship YOU can control.

Let go of the rest.

(And no, women aren't "evil," and, by and large, do not poke holes in the condoms of their ONSs. Are there bunnyboilers? Sure. But they tend to be the one who know where to find their affair partners. Entrapment doesn't work if there's no relationship, and no way of getting in contact. There are ALL kinds of legitimate worries associated with a ONS; let go of the stuff that is irrational.)

What is your husband doing to make himself a safe partner so that you NEVER have to worry about another woman becoming pregnant again?

In your shoes, I'd remove the focus from phantom ONS partners place it squarely on the person with whom you have a relationship.

Heavy Sigh posted 6/21/2013 02:31 AM

Gently, OW is not your biggest concern. A husband with a security clearance that renders him invisible is.

Yep. We've had a few in that situation here before. Living the life of a "secret squirrel" means he can lie and there isn't anything you can do about it to verify facts, or conversely to ease your mind that all is ok, should you suspect things and aren't sure if you're overly sensitive and wrong, or being intuitive.

If you ask questions, he can shut them down with the job excuse.

The tips given to new BS for "trust but verify' methods to receive transparency and heal the marriage cannot be used with a secret-clearance issue, or the BS of a "secret squirrel' type can wind up in legal trouble.

You can't check to see if his car is in the parking lot at work to make sure he really is at work if security clearance is needed to get on site and you don't have it.

You can't use a GPS in the car or VOA recorder in the car if the car is searched before entering checkpoint, or sometimes randomly so, and it's a risk it will be found and trouble come your way. Or if it's routinely turned in for maintenance and you choose the wrong day to have that stuff in there.

Can't use a keylogger on his phone or laptop if both are work issued, since the laptop and phone aren't considered part yours. You could be charged with a federal or state crime. Or if he's not with government, with tampering with corporate or trade secrets - business espionage.

[This message edited by Heavy Sigh at 2:44 AM, June 21st (Friday)]

huRtZ413 posted 6/21/2013 06:38 AM

i have access to his personal email and i have access to his phone and he doesnt hide it from me i can go through it in front og him without him questioning why...... but i cant get into anything work related of course and i have a pass to get to his work to what i can do . i dont have any reason to suspect he is doing anything wrong though i truely beleive it was a one time mistake on his end a lapse in judgement . he came to me right away and we have always had a pretty good marriage for the most part ... when i had asked if there was anything else he said "of course not why would i admit to this if there was more what would make all the other time any diff why would i come forward bout this and only this if there had been something else ." he is a hard truths type guy hes been that way since ive known him.

he "puts it on our kids" this was the 1st and only time he has ever slipped and has never came close to what had happened that one night .

i hate his job i cant wait til he becomes a civilian again ( hes leaving it all for me )

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