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I just don't get it

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imagoodwitch posted 6/20/2013 19:44 PM

What is the allure of an A?

I could be an OW tomorrow if the mood hits.

I think about having sex with someone other than WS and then I think it would probably be horrible and I would be wracked with guilt so that's a motivator to not have an RA.

WS is the King of rationalization.

How do you convince yourself that an A is a good idea?

The guilt would kill me.

I hate being in/getting into trouble, I have since I was a kid.

Even though there is no emotional connection with WS, an A, actually committing to an A is just something I think about to pass the time but the logistics and potential fallout stop me in my tracks.

I get flirted with, it's nice to a point, but then I get super creeped out, creeped out to the point that I want to carry a bat around with me

I just don't get it.

Thanks for letting me get that little nugget out of my head.

Sad in AZ posted 6/20/2013 19:48 PM

One word: Compartmentalization

Thiscantbhapning posted 6/20/2013 20:59 PM

The number one thing that stops me from a RA is losing the respect of my children.

Kajem posted 6/20/2013 21:02 PM

One word: Compartmentalization

^^^^ I would add His.


Another word Integrity - Yours.

imagoodwitch posted 6/20/2013 21:03 PM

I don't worry so much about my kids losing respect for me.

They have seen what has transpired over the last 4 years or so. They have "seen" their father and probably wouldn't blame me.

I would blame me.

If its that bad, D and move on, don't torture your spouse by having an A.

Jospehine85 posted 6/20/2013 21:20 PM

Compartmenatlization? Oh maybe for some.

I think others it is simply impulse control and poor boundaries allow them to take the first step (Ex: accepting the AP's initial proposition while drunk)

Then I think the brain starts a justification process to help them squelch the feelings of guilt.

Thiscantbhapning posted 6/20/2013 21:27 PM

You're right. Actually, losing my self-respect would be worse.

Hearthache again posted 6/20/2013 22:32 PM

I can even think about it. I never have. Yes I have had a few sexual fantasies but most included my H in some way or another.

Now It makes me sick to think about it. I don't know if the emotional trauma of what my H did to me is the reason or just growing past the fantasies of it.

I do sometimes fantasies about being single. Not about the sex part but being free so to speak.

RightTrack posted 6/21/2013 00:25 AM

I have found that it is just plain easier to live honestly.

dazzledbyedward posted 6/21/2013 02:23 AM

I feel the same way. I just don't get it.
I asked my husband to explain it to me because I seem to be not inteligent enough to undertstand this allure.
Being adored by sb new is always exciting but crossing the boundries of your marriage and disrespecting your family is cruel.

I agree with those saying they would never lose self-respect, but I guess some people are simply broken and indifferent to hurting others.
The thought that my husband is one of those people killed me inside. Did I choose wrong?

When you see a ILY text from your husband to a coworker he barely knows, he never sees outside the work, he never calls just texts, you lose yourself forever.
What is wrong with them?

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