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Markay81 posted 6/20/2013 21:22 PM

Do you have to point out every now and then if your S is falling back into bad habits? WH calls me today. They are in the shop cause the rig broke down. Says I want to take my wife on a lunch date today. I said ok when. He says Im not sure haven't gotten the rig torn apart yet. I said ok. I understand hes at work and cant just leave. I was willing to wait. So 4pm rolls around WH calls and says How about we go to dinner. I ask him what did you eat for lunch. He says him and the mechanic grab fast food when they went to get parts. I don't think hes lying about that. Im just irritated he couldn't even call and say something. Like I wont have time to get away how about dinner. I mean how hard would of that been. When he got home I told him how I felt about it. He gave me a look like he just really didn't understand why I was upset. So I explain again. He said he was sorry he just didn't think it was a big deal cause I knew he was at work. He said he had a stupid moment and again said he was sorry and he will try harder to not do that. To be better at calling if plans change. I know people cant change over night and I do see the changes he is making. But that has always been an bad habit of his. He was raised the man works to take care of his family. That's it. Just work to pay the bills, make sure the kids and wife have food, clothes and roof over their head. Thats how you be a good husband. He is working on that but it gets under my skin. Its like I have to point out "Hey bad habit, stop it".

musiclovingmom posted 6/20/2013 21:46 PM

I don't have a lot of advice to give without writing a novel of 'I can relate' stories. We have similar backgrounds. I'm 31, he's 32. We have 3 kids. He drives rig up. The oilfield life is hard enough without the added stress of infidelity. I just wanted you to know that you aren't alone. If you need someone to talk to, you can PM me any time. Hugs

Jospehine85 posted 6/20/2013 22:36 PM

Look on the bright side. He didn't yell and get defensive!!!

Your WH acknowledged your request, acknowledged he could have handled the situation better and will work harder at it.

That is actually a WIN Markay81.

Yes the change process is slow. They have spent their whole lives practicing the bad habits, they won't be able to stop it in a day, a week or even a month. It should gradually improve.

And you know what? Pointing out "hey bad habit, stop it" is exactly what you should be doing. It will help him recognize his bad behaviors and give him the opportunity to correct himself. It will also help you exercise maintaining healthy boundaries.

Markay81 posted 6/21/2013 01:17 AM

Thank you for making me feel better about pointing out the bad habits. I don't want him to feel as if Im treating him like a child. So I need to think of healthy ways of pointing out the bad habits. Everything is still so raw my emotions tend to kick out any rational thinking

Knowing posted 6/21/2013 01:21 AM

And to add to what Josephine85 said: I was promised the best M I could imagine in the wake of DDay, I hold my fWH to that promise. I know that my fWH won't change over night, but I expect every effort to be made towards that goal, including every bad habit or negative character trait I don't enjoy. Now is the best time to make those demands, when our WS' are most willing.