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Newest Member: Thefighter (60790)

User Topic: Update and thanks
♀ 37634
Member # 37634
Default  Posted: 5:33 AM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I want to say thanks to those who supported me when I first posted back in Nov/Dec., and give you an update.

Quick history: I was living overseas with WH and our 3 kids when I found out he was having an A. Rightly or not, I didn't want to risk confronting there, because if he wanted to get nasty, the laws there are not supportive of women and crazy things can happen.

In the process of investigating that A, I learned he'd also been cheating for years with another OW in the US, and also trolling hookup sites while he traveled for work.

I've spent the last 7 months pretending not to know anything, and keeping life stable for the kids. He's mostly been traveling, so it wasn't that hard. The worst stress was seeing if we'd actually move back to the US permanently; he likes to draw out decisions to the last possible minute. If possible, I did not want to have to make a dramatic exit.

I'm happy to report that all of us and all our stuff are officially moved back to the US. I want to thank those who helped me through that crazy time, especially in the beginning. I haven't posted a lot in between, because it was just a big waiting game. And I've found someone on SI in a similar situation, and we have supported each other the whole time (you know who you are).

The overseas OW called me the day we got home; even though everyone told me she must know WH is M, she did not. As I had suspected, she had bought his whole package of BS in the hopes she'd found Prince Charming. She wanted to confirm if we were D or not, as WH had told her. She was very apologetic, and has been very hurt by WH. He had gone so far as to propose to her, go ring shopping, ask her family for permission to M her, but not followed through, and she finally had him investigated. But she is the least of the problem; I really feel WH is mentally unstable to have done all that, not to mention pure scum for all his other indiscretions.

Anyway, I am now free to decide my next step. For starters, I will try to get my old job back, and keep things calm for at least the required 6 months before D is an option in my state, and let the kids get settled in their new schools and us in our new lives back home. I have had to be patient and can continue to be. I see WH not as someone who made a mistake that we may or may not be able to get over, but as someone who must be managed carefully. I have no hope of a real M with him, ever.

I probably won't post much, because I've got a handle on this ridiculous, sad situation, and will get through it one way or another, in the way I decide is best for the kids and me. I just thought those who invested the time to reply to me in the past might like an update, and to know I'm home safely. So thanks again, it was really appreciated.

Me: BS, 51
Him: WH, 51, serial cheater and compulsive liar, possible SA and NPD
Married 19 years, together 28
3 kids: 12, 15, and 17
Waiting it out till "retirement" (till kids are grown)

Posts: 252 | Registered: Nov 2012
♀ 23777
Member # 23777
Default  Posted: 6:25 AM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

glad to hear your back in the US and safe. Please keep us posted.

The truth shall set you free or reveal the name of the OW!
ME 57
WH 64
daughter 27
You give me gifts! I don't want your gifts I want the truth. That's the greatest gift.

Posts: 1411 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: CT
♀ 22415
Member # 22415
Default  Posted: 6:56 AM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome home!!!

M-8 yrs together 11
Me-45 BW
D-Day 10-10-2008
In R

Posts: 801 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: South
♀ 31094
Member # 31094
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Glad you're back in the States!

Good luck...I hope you can keep us posted on your progress.

Posts: 3446 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: NWPA
♀ 35985
Member # 35985
Default  Posted: 7:33 AM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome home, SoyLatte!!

I remember your story and am happy to learn you are home safely.

I admire your patience and strategic approach. You are doing exactly what you need to do for yourself and your children.

I'm so glad you have an SI friend for support. SI friends are the best!

Good Luck with your next steps.

Me: Finding my Sunlight
Him: Traitor in my Foxhole
Let go or get dragged.

Posts: 1254 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: a state of consciousness
♀ 34405
Member # 34405
Default  Posted: 8:16 AM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really admire your strength. You are a wonderful and remarkable woman to pull that off. You should be very proud of who you are. I'm sure I'd have been a mess.

Hell I was a mess, still am at times!

Welcome home Soy Latte. I remember you too. I'm so glad you're safe and home. You're incredible. Keep up the good work dahlin! Don't play your hand until you're absolutely safe and ready. For you and your babies, that's all it's about now.

God bless us, everyone.

Posts: 633 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Boston
♀ 36654
Member # 36654
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so glad you are safely home (((SoyLatte))). I remember your story and have always admired the way you could keep this a secret for so long. It would have drove me crazy. Probably why I have so many DDay's

Keep up the good work and keep us posted. We just love a good "these boots are made for walking" post and yours will be an SI classic. Keeping you in my prayers that the next 6 months go by before you know it. Stay strong!!!

BS-54 XWH#2-No longer my monkey
M-11yrs LTA-5yrs Divorced 8/15
"A person is either an asset or a lesson"
"Changing who you are with does not change who you are"

Posts: 8797 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Texas
♀ 30024
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks so much for the update, SoyLatte. You really are very patient, a virtue that I sometimes have a hard time with.

If your SI friend is poshaccent, I am worried about her. She hasn't posted in quite awhile and she is in a similiar situation as you were. I was also thinking that it is getting close to the time (?) I thought that she would be able to be coming home.

That is rather "nice" of the OW to apologize to you. I do have sympathy for her. That really is freaking unbelievable that your WH asked permission from the OW's family to marry her. *shaking head* I am actually speechless as to even make some kind of snarky remark, because who the hell does that shit?

Anyhoo, keep yourself busy as can be and those 6 months will speed on by! Best of luck, please keep posting. You have a good head on your shoulder and I am sure you can be a great support to many here.

BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson

Posts: 13103 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Member # 30937
Default  Posted: 12:19 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so glad you updated us and that you are well. I am in such awe at your dignity throughout your tricky situation and have wondered about the outcome. I wish you well.

Posts: 152 | Registered: Jan 2011
♀ 34319
Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 1:24 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Glad to hear that you are back in the states and have a plan. There are a lot more options for you now. Stay safe.

D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful sons

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou

Posts: 1486 | Registered: Dec 2011
♀ 32943
Member # 32943
Default  Posted: 1:41 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I remember your posts, too, and am so glad you are back in the States with your kids. Thank you for the update and wishing you all the best as you move forward.

Me: BS, 40's.

Posts: 1954 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: West Coast
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the update. Stay true to yourself.

Sorry your H is such a _____, but glad you're solid.

[This message edited by sisoon at 1:27 PM, June 27th (Thursday)]

As of September, 2017 -
fBH (me) - 70+, fWW, Married 50, together 50+, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
I share my own experience because it's all I know.

Posts: 16313 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Illinois
Topic Posts: 12

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