I want to say thanks to those who supported me when I first posted back in Nov/Dec., and give you an update.
Quick history: I was living overseas with WH and our 3 kids when I found out he was having an A. Rightly or not, I didn't want to risk confronting there, because if he wanted to get nasty, the laws there are not supportive of women and crazy things can happen.
In the process of investigating that A, I learned he'd also been cheating for years with another OW in the US, and also trolling hookup sites while he traveled for work.
I've spent the last 7 months pretending not to know anything, and keeping life stable for the kids. He's mostly been traveling, so it wasn't that hard. The worst stress was seeing if we'd actually move back to the US permanently; he likes to draw out decisions to the last possible minute. If possible, I did not want to have to make a dramatic exit.
I'm happy to report that all of us and all our stuff are officially moved back to the US. I want to thank those who helped me through that crazy time, especially in the beginning. I haven't posted a lot in between, because it was just a big waiting game. And I've found someone on SI in a similar situation, and we have supported each other the whole time (you know who you are).
The overseas OW called me the day we got home; even though everyone told me she must know WH is M, she did not. As I had suspected, she had bought his whole package of BS in the hopes she'd found Prince Charming. She wanted to confirm if we were D or not, as WH had told her. She was very apologetic, and has been very hurt by WH. He had gone so far as to propose to her, go ring shopping, ask her family for permission to M her, but not followed through, and she finally had him investigated. But she is the least of the problem; I really feel WH is mentally unstable to have done all that, not to mention pure scum for all his other indiscretions.
Anyway, I am now free to decide my next step. For starters, I will try to get my old job back, and keep things calm for at least the required 6 months before D is an option in my state, and let the kids get settled in their new schools and us in our new lives back home. I have had to be patient and can continue to be. I see WH not as someone who made a mistake that we may or may not be able to get over, but as someone who must be managed carefully. I have no hope of a real M with him, ever.
I probably won't post much, because I've got a handle on this ridiculous, sad situation, and will get through it one way or another, in the way I decide is best for the kids and me. I just thought those who invested the time to reply to me in the past might like an update, and to know I'm home safely. So thanks again, it was really appreciated.