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ninebark posted 6/21/2013 06:23 AM

My STBXH got back into town today. We were talking at our son’s baseball game and he announced that he was going to move back home. He said he may go on unemployment and look for work because he is tired of travelling and wants to be closer to his parents as his dad is quite unwell so he wants to be helpful to his mother, and of course it would give me a break and he could spend time with our son. I told him I understood, and I listened to him tell all our friends at the game about his situation. It took all I could muster not to mutter “bullshit” every time he opened his mouth.
Yes I understand travelling is hard at that age and he would like to be close to his family, and yes I know his dad is unwell, but the reality is he is trying to make himself into this paragon of virtue and he is nothing of the sort. The translation to this litany of lies is this – I am tired of travelling and want to live home, my girlfriend is hassling me to find work so we can live together, but I don’t actually plan to spend much time with my son more than I have to and I will only help out my parents as long as it fits my schedule. Okay so I may be a bit bitter. My biggest fear is that his child support payments are going to be less because he goes on unemployment. He didn’t finish high school and makes pretty good money at what he does but he isn’t qualified for anything else and there isn’t a lot of work here for what he does.
I took that opportunity to hit him with the notice that I am going through with the divorce now and what I needed from him. He took it well; after all, it is only $250.00 so suck it up…lol. So I am sitting here waiting to see where this leads. The reality is I know my ex, he talks a good game, has grandiose ideas but never sticks to them. It would be nice to have someone around to help out once in a while though.

Dreamboat posted 6/21/2013 07:06 AM

(((hugs)))

When he said he was moving "back home" I sure as hell hope he was not talking about YOUR home? Hell to the NO on that.

CS is generally calculated based upon a person's earning potential because the courts have seen too many wannbe deadbeats quit their job in order to get a lower CS payment. Therefore they generally base it on the past 3 years W2 forms.

Make sure to tell your L that he is threatening to quit his job so your L can be prepared to fight his claim for a lower CS.

And even if he lives close by he still may not help out or even see DS anymore than he does not. At one point my X moved 4 miles from me. He never once took DD to his apt. He saw her no more than once ever week or two. Out of 9 softball games, he came to 2 and left early from both.

I know a woman who lives 2 miles from her X. He refuses to take either kid to sports practices and has never once gone to a single game. If the game or or practice falls during his visitation, she has to pick them and from his house and take them. The very best was the time he sent her an text saying the kids were fat and needed to see a Dr and go on a diet -- she got that text WHILE her DD was playing softball! Sorry to t/j, but all of this reminded me of her story.

ninebark posted 6/21/2013 07:23 AM

OH NO~~ not back home..lol....

No he works 3 weeks out of 4 out of province. He wants to move back in province.

Well I will have to speak to L when I give her all the info she needs to finalize our divorce. I really don't want to have to live on less money if I can avoid it.

I don't expect ex to do half of what he should. But I occassionly make him do stuff. Like take him out for an ice cream after the game since he hasn't seen him in three weeks. I know he will do lots with him, but he won't go to all games, he doesn't take him over night.

Ugh ....

Nature_Girl posted 6/21/2013 13:10 PM

In my state if STBX quits his job or does anything to lower his income it's considered a voluntary reduction in income and does not change his monthly financial obligation via SS or CS.

ajsmom posted 6/21/2013 13:14 PM

If he quits, his chances of getting UC are zero to none.

Hope he understands that.

AJ's MOM

Ashland13 posted 6/21/2013 14:56 PM

Yes, I'll back these posts up and add that I've also been told CS is top priority over other things a person may have for debts and whatnot.

I've also heard many instances of people making very long distance moves when S or D comes, thinking if everything is changed around them they can heal faster. Sometimes it works.

And yes, Perv is back to "Model Citizen Perv", doing good deeds for family and friends and it makes me kind of vomitty when I hear it. IC was helpful and said she suspects its out of guilt, because he also lied to those people for several years and she said it can be common...like Bark's WH thinking he's going to help his parents maybe.

It's frustrating to see and know is happening when we are abandoned or left behind and in need and we have to see them try to be something they aren't.

I did out him at DD's events, mostly wanting the parents of her friends to have a choice to make about trusting him because for a time he was inviting other kids on their outings.

And it happens here also, where a handful of events for DD he does not attend and if it is "his turn", I get uninvited, though I don't get in the way if he chooses to appear.

It just stinks...all around.

Mousse242 posted 6/22/2013 13:34 PM

He's quitting his job and is in the middle of a divorce? I'm sure the judge will see through this bullshit and know it's about child support (and spousal if you're entitled to that). Do not agree with him on any of this crap. Say nothing and document it all.

Make sure your attorney is aware of his antics too.