this is what I'm bringing to the table. I'm sure it'll be a long 90 mile ride home, and we have plans with two other couples for my birthday dinner.... what he has said in quotes:
Concerns:
1. On healing - “If I think about it, it may be too much and I’ll have to divorce you.” Then look what I did in the face and divorce me. At least that’s authentic and honest. I’m done rug-sweeping. We did that for 20 years and look where it got us.
2. On triggering - “why do you tell me something if I can’t do anything about it?” Because I need you to understand some of the triggers I deal with. I don’t share all of them with you but I need you to hear the pain of my big ones.
3. The double standard – you won’t ever go to (town 150 miles away where I was raped) but I have to live here, where you had two consensual relationships? Really?
4. You ask me to consider filing a civil lawsuit but you didn’t do any reading on how this would impact the victim nor did you go to a rape advocacy center to talk to them. Why do I have to do all the legwork? I’m not going to file a civil suit. I’m dealing with enough trauma in this relationship. You’ll have to decide if you can live with that.
5. Why do I have to put my pain inside a little box and get it out when it’s appropriate. Fuck that. You had two affairs. You better be ready to deal with the fallout at any time. If you can’t, I’m not interested.
6. Homicidal rage from seeing a car like the AP. I understand that but are you sure you aren’t blaming him for the current state of your life?
7. The Facebook picture – external validation still needed and it scares me. You’re a 50 year old bank president posting a picture of yourself shirtless. Really?
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12
me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's
“Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Acceptance is a small, quiet room.”
