Talk me down off the ledge...
I've had TONS of revenge plots I've dreamed up - right down to the last detail of how to carry them out, and you know what stopped me from doing any of them? Fear of retribution from a "higher" power.
Not fear of HER. I would have welcomed that and it would just addded to the fun.
No, it was fear of angering God and him making me 'pay' for it.
Ugh. I can't win.
My revenge fantasies for OM followed Poe's the Pit and the Pendulum. I would have loved sitting and watching that terrible blade descent ever so slowly toward OM. I would be eating popcorn and laugh at his fear.
So yeh I get what you are feeling.
But OM is not worth me going to prison over. THAT is what is keeping him safe.
[This message edited by Razor at 9:12 AM, June 21st (Friday)]
Hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man. Friedrich Nietzsche
I thought the same thing. "Revenge is mine sayeth The Lord" right? But what if he wants to work through me? LOL. Hey, Lord, I'm here if you need me to be your hands and feet in that revenge thing. LOL
Living well IS the best revenge! In my situation, the OW was my BFF and she wanted to D her husband and move mine into her house. Instead, she lost custody of her child, and has been battling in court all this time. She is remarried to a loser guy, but she has to work at a crap job that she hates. Her life is crap.
In the meantime, my WH has done everything right since the A. He dropped her cold, and didn't give her the "closure" she wanted. He chose me. We bought a big house with a pool, and we filled it up with kids, and we started our own business that is booming. I get to stay at home with my kids ( that makes her really jealous).
And I leave out the part about how I'm depressed every day, and the A still has me in a loop.
[This message edited by IAmPsycho at 11:22 AM, June 21st (Friday)]
If you think that you want to get involved with a man in a relationship or a married man PLEASE realize that you’re gong to have to deal with the following: You often feel like shit about yourself One or the other will eventually start to feel “more” and somebody’s feelings get hurt There is no way that it can last forever. In the end somebody decides it doesn’t work for them anymore The person not in the “serious” relationship is left alone at the end of this tryst and the “committed” person goes back to their “happy” relationship. You have no right to be angry when they say they want to “try to work things out” with their significant other. You are left with no leg to stand on and somehow your feelings don’t seem to matter There is often a heightened sense of emotion and passion that will not last once the “thrill” of the affair ebbs. Your tears go unshed until they aren’t around because nobody wants a mistress who sobs all over them, we are supposed to be eternally patient, sexually satisfying, fun, and devoid of the stresses of reality. (Read-unfeeling fuck machines)
You often feel like shit about yourself One or the other will eventually start to feel “more” and somebody’s feelings get hurt There is no way that it can last forever. In the end somebody decides it doesn’t work for them anymore The person not in the “serious” relationship is left alone at the end of this tryst and the “committed” person goes back to their “happy” relationship. You have no right to be angry when they say they want to “try to work things out” with their significant other. You are left with no leg to stand on and somehow your feelings don’t seem to matter There is often a heightened sense of emotion and passion that will not last once the “thrill” of the affair ebbs. Your tears go unshed until they aren’t around because nobody wants a mistress who sobs all over them, we are supposed to be eternally patient, sexually satisfying, fun, and devoid of the stresses of reality. (Read-unfeeling fuck machines)
I know of cheaters who have suffered strokes while having sex with the AP and had only a partial recovery or died.
I listened to my WS tell his AP no contact and she was visibly shaken and devastated. All the years of secrecy and hiding were wasted...instead of finding someone who truly loved her.If she wanted to start a family it's kind of late at 43 to start from scratch.
No, no the facade is to appear as though cheaters always prevail but I have yet to see one case were I would swap places with them.
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt? what's going on in her mind these days... If you are a Christian please read Psalm 94.
[This message edited by ifinallyfoundme at 11:29 AM, June 21st (Friday)]
I did have a dream where I was beating the crap out of her while telling her exactly what I thought of her and she didn't hear a word. I suppose that is what would happen in real life.
Finally this is R 8/14/13
"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".
Or they will laugh.
Also depending on what you do to "hurt or cause pain" they could file charges. There was on bs here who either had to go to court or was deamed guilty by the court for an email that had no malice to it
If youre in the beginning stages, these are normal feelings. Dont act on them, though.
Finally fealing peace.
So - briefly fantasize - and then get back to reality and realize that truly, revenge would end up hurting you as well. And get on with that life well lived...
The grief within me has its own heartbeat. It has its own life, its own song. Part of me wants to resist the rhythms of my grief, yet as I surrender to the song, I learn to listen deep within myself-Alan Wolfelt
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
But if you are talking about outing her as a howewrecker, whatever, I see nothing wrong with that.
Having said that, I would not wish to do harm, of a non-violent nature, to an affair partner unless my significant other suffered consequences first. Not married now, was, but if married again then it would be my wife that needs to pay for what she did...first at least.
I've experienced firsthand that when I exchange my anger and hurt for compassion, my body physically feels better.
As much as it seems unfair that these people should kick us around and there be no recourse, I've found that the only aspect I've EVER had control of through this whole ordeal is how I let it affect me.
I want to share some peaceful self-talk. You don't have to subscribe to it, and you don't have to agree. I'm just hoping that it may give some feeling of peace or lightness to those in the really hard, excruciating first days/weeks/months.
The ultimate source of a happy life is warm-heartedness. This means extending to others the kind of concern we have for ourselves. On a simple level we find that if we have a compassionate heart we naturally have more friends. And scientists today are discovering that while anger and hatred eat into our immune system, warm-heartedness and compassion are good for our health. D. Lama
I know that it's damn near impossible not to feel angry right now. I'm just saying that if you can find a way to steer away from the thoughts of revenge, which I know all too well, you will find that relief that you thought might be gained from retaliation but ultimately, cannot.
(((Everybody)))
ETA- I'm not saying you have to feel good about the AP/WS at this point. This is more an idea about participating in some energy that has compassion in it - you know, petting a lonely dog, pouring tea for yourself and a good friend, donating to a local charity. Maybe just staring at a flower and appreciating its color. That's how to truly get off the ledge safely.
[This message edited by Jrazz at 12:18 PM, June 21st (Friday)]
I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting revenge, dreaming about it, etc. The problem is that often revenge doesn't work out the way we think it will, or make us feel the way we hope it will.
Take time to feel the feelings and let them go on their own. I can say that at 2.5 years into R, I am glad my rational brain overrode my reptilian brain and prevented me from seeking revenge. I did nothing to hurt her back, and therefore nothing that could cause further collateral damage to her family. I didn't do anything hat I would later feel embarrassed by. I can hold my head high as someone who has class.
And, if she frets about waiting for the other shoe to drop and that one day I may expose her to others, then that is awesome...and is totally not my problem. (j/k, sort of.)
I know, I wanted the same thing and I had the chance and I just could not do it (my kids were wathcing also) but I also knew this was his drama that he brought to our home. It showed me how messed up alot of people are and I NEVER WANT TO BE LIKE THAT TO ANOTHER HUMAN BEING.
God, will deal with them. You don't have to. Let it happen without you involved. Trust that!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"
I just needed to quote the source in this case because I don't want to take credit for someone else's words.
I loved what the quote said. Very true.
I know one of the OW has had a hysterectomy. I don't know if this weighs heavy on her but I know if I had one I would question my womanhood. A man making advances on me, telling me I'm beautiful and wanting to be with me would make me feel very good. If that is where she was at, I can understand how she slipped down the slope. Of course, she slipped with my husband.
I can only say that seeing it this way makes me feel good about myself, I have no great revelation or anything, just growth I guess.
me (WW/BS): 48 him: (BS/WH)52 4 kiddos in mid 20's
“Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Acceptance is a small, quiet room.”
