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41andthankful (original poster member #38650) posted at 4:47 PM on Friday, June 21st, 2013
That WH couldn't see the path of destruction he was on? Could he really not see that he was starting arguments when didn't use to argue before? Or did he use that to continue to justify what he was doing? How could a man who had never even called me a bad name have gotten to a place to have an a? The a and everything surrounding it was just so cruel. Could he really not see it or was he just ignoring what he was doing to us? He already knew that I felt crossing the flirting line was cheating so he knew he was possibly ending our marriage but did it anyway. Ow said the few conversations they had about me during the pa were always good. She wondered why he was with her (not enough to stop). Both said conversation didn't turn negative until the pa ended which was a few months before I got proof. Why share me at all with her? I hate I was used as a bonding agent, just yuck.
Reality ( member #39077) posted at 5:28 PM on Friday, June 21st, 2013
Hugs, 41. That's horrific.
So many stories are here of men who seem to be good husbands/fathers until one day they throw it all away on what seems to be total whim.
Then there's an equal amount of stories about guys that are jerks ALL the time.
I have no idea how they can do the things they do. The one thing that is obvious over and over is that it's never about the wife/husband/SO - it really is something broken in the person who chooses the affair.
This isn't you. This is him.
FightingBack ( member #34770) posted at 6:29 PM on Friday, June 21st, 2013
My H claims that the fog was so thick that he never, ever considered what the consequences might have been or even that I could be hurt by his LTA.
He never thought about how our children would have coped with a broken family, how his family would have reacted, how having unprotected sex could have given me a STD, how he was putting us in debt by spoiling her and neglecting our finances, how the disconnection between us was a result of having a mistress, or even how he and his business partners could have been held legally responsible for any claims she may have made after their affair was blown out of the water.
Sure the fog can be dense. His lasted 15 years.
I'm still not sure I can believe that HE was this dense however.
[This message edited by FightingBack at 12:30 PM, June 21st (Friday)]
Me 53
WH 58
Married 25 years
4 children S30,D24, S23,S21
D-Day Nov. 29, 2011
15 year affair with married employee.
Together trying to make sense of it all!
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