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Newest Member: Mentallydrained (49901)

User Topic: Tried to take a 'break' yesterday from the thoughts...
♀ 39609
Member # 39609
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yesterday I woke up and realized I was in a decent mood and told myself that today I will not allow myself to think about my husband's EA and A's, the OW, the OC on the way, or any of my feelings relating to them. (My husband is Army and is stationed in Korea so it makes it easier to just not have to look at him sometimes) Whenever I realized I was breaking my 'rule', I would immediately think (or even say out loud or start singing) NOPE! Fuck that. Nononono. Or something to that effect and start doing something, whether it was watching tv and listening very closely to what the actors were saying, or start singing an empowering song, or concentrating very hard on taking care of my 3mo old. It didn't work, I kept having thoughts creep back, but at the very least I felt like I had control over my own mind. Made it all day without getting too down or crying. I was pretty proud of myself.

You may be asking what the bad part is? Well, I woke up this morning and immediately felt horrible. I don't have the willpower I had yesterday... Maybe my mind let me get a much needed day off, but stored it all up for later evaluation...

Yesterday I felt on top of the world and in control of my life and I feel completely and totally helpless and I feel like all of my husband's selfish and dickish choices will haunt me for the rest of my life.

Together 6 yrs. M 4 yrs. DD born 3/1/2013.
Me: BS -- Him: 1 EA/PA (6mos), PA (MW), and 6 ONS...Been at it for almost 5 yrs. *Still slave to TT* 1st DDay- 11/24/2012,
.....OC due in August.....

Posts: 122 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: United States
♀ 39588
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 11:15 AM, June 21st (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am the opposite - yesterday sucked but today is better. Today I spent a lot of quiet time praying and doing devotionals then exercising which is hard to focus on but really helps me.

I am trying to accept that there will be really good days and really bad ones. The bad ones make me feel like the pain will never go away though and seem to drag - ugh!!!

Me (BS): 36
Him aka narcissistic psychopath (WS): 36
Married 17 years 6 kids ages 16-7
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

Filed for divorce 5/8/15

Posts: 326 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 2

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