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brokenandconfuse (original poster member #39381) posted at 6:23 PM on Friday, June 21st, 2013
God help me...
I know in and amongst all of this insanity that I had to file. The feelings for him just aren't there. I have no respect for him (more like disgust). All of the alcohol, lies, betrayals, abuse....still it is sad and I am a very non-confrontational.
I pray that this was the right decision. I have huge issues with trying to make good choices and I can't forgive myself for mistakes.
I have had to go NC as much as possible, because he emotional and mentally makes me crazy!!! I can't talk to him or I will be left confused, depressed, and crying my eyes out..topped with anxiety and no sleep.
I really never thought that he would do these things and I did think that he loved me, but I didn't know the rest of the story...
This was a huge leap for me and I am going to need all the support I can get to stick with it and do this. I am weak and he knows how to get me to do things his way.
2DS, 2DD
BS-Me 32
WH-Him 43
DDay-All 14 years of our relationship. 3PA's, 3 one night stands, and 6 EA's and still counting as we go. Gained enough strength to face it 11/2012
Getting Divorced
Reality ( member #39077) posted at 6:37 PM on Friday, June 21st, 2013
Hugs, Broken. It was brave of you to take the step. You know, better than anyone else in the situation, when you've done all you can and it's time to move on.
Yes, maintain NC. Your soon to be ex has a load of mental processes that will make him say horrible things to you. You've already listened to years of the same things. It's way past "enough is enough."
We're all with you. Get safe and be safe.
tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 7:23 PM on Friday, June 21st, 2013
Wishing you lots of mojo and strength. You know what you need to do. I hope you soon feel relief and happiness
Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.
SuperDuperWonderboy ( member #34716) posted at 7:29 PM on Friday, June 21st, 2013
My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.
Faithful w/Love ( member #33128) posted at 7:30 PM on Friday, June 21st, 2013
Lots of strenth to you and I am proud of you for doing what you need to do for you.
BS(ME)41 WH(HIM)38
DD 21 and DS 16
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
Separated again June 2014. Heading toward divorce.
False R. Still Lying.
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is all you have left"
brokenandconfuse (original poster member #39381) posted at 7:57 PM on Friday, June 21st, 2013
2DS, 2DD
BS-Me 32
WH-Him 43
DDay-All 14 years of our relationship. 3PA's, 3 one night stands, and 6 EA's and still counting as we go. Gained enough strength to face it 11/2012
Getting Divorced
RyeBread ( member #37437) posted at 8:04 PM on Friday, June 21st, 2013
I have huge issues with trying to make good choices and I can't forgive myself for mistakes.
I struggle with this very same thing.
If you feel in your heart that this is what you need to do then it is the right choice. When you are feeling guilty or questioning your decision you can always go back to your heart and get that peaceful calm reassurance that this is what needs to happen.
Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates
ZenMumWalking ( member #25341) posted at 8:19 PM on Friday, June 21st, 2013
((((brokenandconfuse))))
sending STRENGTH and MOJO your way!!
Lean on us, we are here for you.
((((brokenandconfuse))))
Me (BS), Him (WH): late-50's
3 DS: 26, 25, 22
M: 30+ (19 1/2 at Dday)
Dday: Dec 2008
Wanted R, not gonna happen (in permanent S)
Used to be DeadMumWalking, doing better now
Ostrich80 ( member #34827) posted at 9:09 PM on Friday, June 21st, 2013
Good for you. I am also very non confrontational. I admire your actions towards self preservation. Hope to be there soon.
BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????
selkiescot ( member #23777) posted at 9:35 PM on Friday, June 21st, 2013
Good for you! Stans Strong. heres some strong mojo for you.!
The truth shall set you free or reveal the name of the OW!
ME 57
WH 64
DDAYs TOO MANY
daughter 27
You give me gifts! I don't want your gifts I want the truth. That's the greatest gift.
meplusfour ( member #38958) posted at 10:09 PM on Friday, June 21st, 2013
Sending good thoughts and strength to you. Do not waiver in your conviction that this is the right thing to do for you and your precious children.
[This message edited by meplusfour at 4:09 PM, June 21st (Friday)]
BW (me)42
WH 44
3 daughters, 1 son
Married 10 years, together 13
DDay 3/14/2013, four year PA
In R
"Sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain things will never go back to the way they used to be."
Skan ( member #35812) posted at 12:53 AM on Saturday, June 22nd, 2013
(((hugs))) Sending thoughts of much mojo to you. Hey, you might want to go check out the separated and divorced forum. There's a lot of smart people there too, who might be able to help you out.
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
solus sto ( member #30989) posted at 1:03 AM on Saturday, June 22nd, 2013
(((brokenandconfused))) I'm so sorry. Even when it's the "right" thing, it hurts like hell.
You say that you hope it's the right decision. Just know that NO decision is irrevocable; if your husband steps up to the plate, and you together choose to move forward, then you can halt a divorce, or remarry---or WHATEVER, depending on the situation.
For now, you have done what is right, with the information you have and the situation you're in.
Millions of hugs to you.
BS-me, 62; X-irrelevant; we’re D & NC. "So much for the past and present. The future is called 'perhaps,' which is the only possible thing to call the future. And the important thing is not to let that scare you." Tennessee Williams
joeboo ( member #31089) posted at 3:33 AM on Saturday, June 22nd, 2013
Wishing you strength and peace. Lately I have struggled with what to do. I admire your strength to act.
gonnabe2016 ( member #34823) posted at 3:49 AM on Saturday, June 22nd, 2013
BC, when I filed for divorce it isn't what I *wanted* to do. Heck, Sultan didn't want it either (and if I listen to him now, he STILL doesn't want it 
).....but I just absolutely could no longer live with or tolerate the crazy-making and mind-fucking that was happening.
And I am still fending off the "I don't want this" mantras from him. BUT. It HAS to happen. Divorcing him is the healthy and right thing for ME. It's definitely NOT been easy to 'stay the course' and I did veer off track last May and suspended the divorce. Only to have to re-start it 7 weeks later.
Some days it is just a matter of staying on course and plodding along through sheer force of will. Not easy but definitely do-able. You're worth it and you don't deserve to have to live your life being abused by the person that is supposed to love you.
It'll be okay. It may get 'bad' for a while....but there will be an end to it.
"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott
In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.
brokenandconfuse (original poster member #39381) posted at 10:07 PM on Monday, June 24th, 2013
I still have to sign the papers, so H was out all weekend trying to convince me not too. All it does is confuse me and make me cry non-stop. I am not the one who did this!!!! Why make me feel like I am a horrible person because I can't take it anymore:-(
2DS, 2DD
BS-Me 32
WH-Him 43
DDay-All 14 years of our relationship. 3PA's, 3 one night stands, and 6 EA's and still counting as we go. Gained enough strength to face it 11/2012
Getting Divorced
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