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I took the plunge and filed

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brokenandconfuse posted 6/21/2013 12:23 PM

God help me...

I know in and amongst all of this insanity that I had to file. The feelings for him just aren't there. I have no respect for him (more like disgust). All of the alcohol, lies, betrayals, abuse....still it is sad and I am a very non-confrontational.

I pray that this was the right decision. I have huge issues with trying to make good choices and I can't forgive myself for mistakes.

I have had to go NC as much as possible, because he emotional and mentally makes me crazy!!! I can't talk to him or I will be left confused, depressed, and crying my eyes out..topped with anxiety and no sleep.

I really never thought that he would do these things and I did think that he loved me, but I didn't know the rest of the story...

This was a huge leap for me and I am going to need all the support I can get to stick with it and do this. I am weak and he knows how to get me to do things his way.

Reality posted 6/21/2013 12:37 PM

Hugs, Broken. It was brave of you to take the step. You know, better than anyone else in the situation, when you've done all you can and it's time to move on.

Yes, maintain NC. Your soon to be ex has a load of mental processes that will make him say horrible things to you. You've already listened to years of the same things. It's way past "enough is enough."

We're all with you. Get safe and be safe.

tushnurse posted 6/21/2013 13:23 PM

Wishing you lots of mojo and strength. You know what you need to do. I hope you soon feel relief and happiness

SuperDuperWonderboy posted 6/21/2013 13:29 PM

Lots of strength to you.

Faithful w/Love posted 6/21/2013 13:30 PM

Lots of strenth to you and I am proud of you for doing what you need to do for you.

brokenandconfuse posted 6/21/2013 13:57 PM

Thanks to everyone.

RyeBread posted 6/21/2013 14:04 PM

I have huge issues with trying to make good choices and I can't forgive myself for mistakes.

I struggle with this very same thing.

If you feel in your heart that this is what you need to do then it is the right choice. When you are feeling guilty or questioning your decision you can always go back to your heart and get that peaceful calm reassurance that this is what needs to happen.

DeadMumWalking posted 6/21/2013 14:19 PM

((((brokenandconfuse))))

sending STRENGTH and MOJO your way!!

Lean on us, we are here for you.

((((brokenandconfuse))))

Ostrich80 posted 6/21/2013 15:09 PM

Good for you. I am also very non confrontational. I admire your actions towards self preservation. Hope to be there soon.

selkiescot posted 6/21/2013 15:35 PM

Good for you! Stans Strong. heres some strong mojo for you.!

meplusfour posted 6/21/2013 16:09 PM

Sending good thoughts and strength to you. Do not waiver in your conviction that this is the right thing to do for you and your precious children.

[This message edited by meplusfour at 4:09 PM, June 21st (Friday)]

Skan posted 6/21/2013 18:53 PM

(((hugs))) Sending thoughts of much mojo to you. Hey, you might want to go check out the separated and divorced forum. There's a lot of smart people there too, who might be able to help you out.

solus sto posted 6/21/2013 19:03 PM

(((brokenandconfused))) I'm so sorry. Even when it's the "right" thing, it hurts like hell.

You say that you hope it's the right decision. Just know that NO decision is irrevocable; if your husband steps up to the plate, and you together choose to move forward, then you can halt a divorce, or remarry---or WHATEVER, depending on the situation.

For now, you have done what is right, with the information you have and the situation you're in.

Millions of hugs to you.

joeboo posted 6/21/2013 21:33 PM

Wishing you strength and peace. Lately I have struggled with what to do. I admire your strength to act.

gonnabe2016 posted 6/21/2013 21:49 PM

BC, when I filed for divorce it isn't what I *wanted* to do. Heck, Sultan didn't want it either (and if I listen to him now, he STILL doesn't want it ).....but I just absolutely could no longer live with or tolerate the crazy-making and mind-fucking that was happening.

And I am still fending off the "I don't want this" mantras from him. BUT. It HAS to happen. Divorcing him is the healthy and right thing for ME. It's definitely NOT been easy to 'stay the course' and I did veer off track last May and suspended the divorce. Only to have to re-start it 7 weeks later.

Some days it is just a matter of staying on course and plodding along through sheer force of will. Not easy but definitely do-able. You're worth it and you don't deserve to have to live your life being abused by the person that is supposed to love you.

It'll be okay. It may get 'bad' for a while....but there will be an end to it.

brokenandconfuse posted 6/24/2013 16:07 PM

I still have to sign the papers, so H was out all weekend trying to convince me not too. All it does is confuse me and make me cry non-stop. I am not the one who did this!!!! Why make me feel like I am a horrible person because I can't take it anymore:-(

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