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5th Wedding Anniversary Today

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Jrazz posted 6/21/2013 13:07 PM

Red roses on the table when I woke up. Heartfelt card with notes after every sentence, and a ceramic strawberry dish because he knows I love to collect them. Plans to go see a movie in an hour.

It's hard. Not terrible, just heavy. There's some shell around my heart and it's just so hard to break through to it sometimes.

My brain is screaming at me that these gestures are meaningful and I need to hang in there. For DD. For me.

I am a firm believer in R and have seen so many relationships become stronger and better as a result.

I think I just need some encouragement today. I feel more like crying than celebrating, and I know in my heart that Crazz is trying to do as much as he can to show me that he loves me.

It's not easy to stay... but it can be worth it. Just gotta keep trying.

HFSSC posted 6/21/2013 13:12 PM

(((Jrazz)))

I hope you find your happy today.

Jrazz posted 6/21/2013 13:17 PM

Thanks HF.


We're had a lot of life stress over the last 6 months, so I'm really going to try and just breathe and enjoy today and take things as they come.

hopelessromantic posted 6/21/2013 13:20 PM

((Jrazz))

It's not easy to stay... but it can be worth it. Just gotta keep trying.


^^this^^ marriage after affairs is hard work! For *me* as long as my FWS is making the efforts to keep moving us forward and making loving and caring gestures, then it's worth the work and as you say - to keep trying.

Hoping you find the inner peace you need today, and enjoy the movie - together.

PS - it's ok to have that shell around your heart for a while....just not as a permanent fixture.

rachelc posted 6/21/2013 13:21 PM

((Jrazz))

Rocketqueen posted 6/21/2013 13:32 PM

Jrazz, my WH and I recently had our 12th wedding anniversary. I did not want to celebrate it or acknowledge it any way and you know what? I regret that.

Wanna know why? I felt that the fact that we are still together and trying should be celebrated and I wish we had.

So be glad that he is trying to make you happy and celebrate that your marriage has survived this long!

SuperDuperWonderboy posted 6/21/2013 13:35 PM

Jrazz,

You have contributed so much to all of us here on SI. It makes me sad that you are struggling on a day that should have been filled with happiness. I wish that you can find joy and hope today.

karmahappens posted 6/21/2013 13:50 PM

(((Jrazz)))

Happy Anniversary! They can be bittersweet sometimes, but the fact that you and Crazz are present and trying speaks volumes.

Take the day and know you deserve the love, gifts and true effort he is giving to you.

wert posted 6/21/2013 14:15 PM

There's some shell around my heart and it's just so hard to break through to it sometimes.

Christ women...that just about broke my heart...mainly because its how I feel every time my W tries to get close.

Let him in...Let it in....I have realized that a life without that love is no life at all. Whole hearted when you believe in it..even if you get burned.

take care...

Nailinmyforehead posted 6/21/2013 15:05 PM

Happy Anniversary, and I sincerely mean that. FWW and I just celebrated 17 years and I felt the same way. I realized that no matter what- we made it. Same for you and your spouse. It is a milestone and you are doing the hard thing- reconciling. My hat is off to both of you.

Rebreather posted 6/21/2013 15:27 PM

Maybe it's just a hard candy shell? Try licking it and see what happens.

See if you can pull the shell off for awhile. You can always put it back up. But it would probably feel really good to take it down for a bit. Like how it feels when they use the cheese grater on your feet during a pedicure.

Happy Anniversary.

catlover50 posted 6/21/2013 15:32 PM

Focus on how hard he is trying--that says a lot.

I hope you have a nice day.

Are you going to see World War Z? That should keep your mind busy!

Jrazz posted 6/21/2013 17:26 PM

Thanks everyone for the thoughtful (and hilarious) notes.

We had a very nice time at the movie (Star Trek - FINALLY!!!)

I dropped him back off at work and felt a bit lighter.

Same days I blame his "slip ups" as reasons I can't move forward, but on days like today it's clear to me that I can be so deep in self-protect mode that I'm scared to actually enjoy myself with him.

Still trying to find the balance between what I need to overlook as growing pains and what I need Crazz to bring to the table to make me feel safe. It's a lot of work, and I try to take it one day at a time.

Thanks again for listening.

sisoon posted 6/21/2013 17:40 PM

Happy anniversary!

I tend to think that the self-protectiveness is wise, and that time, along with lots of trust-building by Crazz (and Mrs. s, in my case), will take care of it.

So enjoy what you can, and looking forward to upping your enjoyment quotient as you go along.

(((Jrazz)))

LosferWords posted 6/21/2013 18:32 PM

We had a very nice time at the movie (Star Trek - FINALLY!!!)

KAAAAAAAAAAHHHHNNNN!!!!

We finally saw it last week, too!

I'm glad you were able to stay in the moment and enjoy the movie with Crazz. I know how these moments can be bittersweet, and at times heavy as lead.

Hang in there, and Happy Anniversary!

(((Razz's)))

looking forward posted 6/21/2013 18:36 PM

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

>>THIS<<

Just gotta keep trying.

jo2love posted 6/21/2013 18:37 PM

(((Jrazz)))

I hope you have a wonderful day.

Jrazz posted 6/21/2013 19:26 PM

KAAAAAAAAAAHHHHNNNN!!!!


I'm currently drafting a manifesto about how pissed I am about the ending. I'll have to find a way to give it really good spoiler alerts and then let the people here have a go at it.

forgivingnow posted 6/21/2013 19:53 PM

(((jrazz))
Happy anniversary year !!!!
Our 30th anniversary was Tuesday & was wonderful. This weekend was to celebrate us, no kids... He's sleeping, I'm watching the sunset, having a glass o wine by myself.
Let's just celebrate the whole year, not just one day or moment.
(((Hugs)))

Skan posted 6/21/2013 19:58 PM

Glad that you enjoyed the movie, sorta? That KAAAAAHHHHN remark makes me put the sorta in there! (((hugs))) Feelings are neither right nor wrong, they just are. So feel what you need to feel and appreciate the loving effort that was expended.

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