I get what you are saying and of course, you are right. But, this is triggery to me. My SAfWH used to say this to me all the time, "I don't want to be responsible for your feelings!" Not acknowledging that his verbal and emotional abuse and neglect fueled my unhappiness. We cannot change someone's feelings, but we certainly ARE responsible for caring for those we love. For listening, for doing nice things, for giving that extra effort when someone is down.
Infidelity is devastating. At least it was to me. It has been a LONG time since I have felt like my old, optimistic, positive self. I have been clinically depressed. While I know SAfWH can't "fix" me, I would hope he would support and help me, much as I did with him, while he was in his in his depressive state for so many years.