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Why did I give him a chance?!?

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IMPthehalfwoman posted 6/21/2013 14:41 PM

This might be long, I apologize ahead of time. I am also on my phone.

My boyfriend and I have been together for three and a half years. I have two children, and we have one together. He left his high school sweetheart while they were taking a break he met me. From the beginning he would text and call her. It was a huge issue. He even sent her a pic of the baby when he was born. He was in college and was texting inappropriate things to a few girls he met. He also has gotten girls numbers while out with friends.

Last month thanks to a spy app on his phone, I found out he was spending time with some girl using my car. I also found that in the past he had went on dates and kissed other girls. He always told me he was sorry for texting them but I didn't know the whole truth. And he would behave for a while then something else would happen.

When I found out all the details I told him we needed a break. He went to his moms and had his ex pick him up. While away he also kissed another girl he previously had told he had feelings in a message on Facebook. I was really upset. He seemed remorseful this time so I gave him a chance.

Well that was a mistake because yesterday I found out that the day before he had unprotected sex with a girl who lived nearby who is a known slut. while I was in school.

I am outraged. I left to my moms and will be here til Sunday. He has been texting and calling nonstop. Apologizing. Saying he can't live without me and how he wants to really change and needs help. I love him and want my kids to have a family, but how can I ever trust him again? How do I know it will be different?

I'm just so hurt. I want to cry constantly and I want to scream and break things including his and the sluts face. I am a good woman. Who has put up with too much bullshit. But when is enough enough? I have do many emotions and thoughts I'm really struggling to keep it together.

frankiebaby posted 6/21/2013 16:25 PM

So sorry. I too am in the early stages of finding out and it's just devastating. Good call going to your mother's-- this is you time to deal with this and to heal.

Give yourself some space. The asshole and his "needing help" can wait. If he truly couldn't live without you I think he would make a little more effort to put measures in place that would keep his dick in his pants.

Sorry for sounding so harsh-- probably a little oversensitive right now. *huggggsss * you are worth true love and respect!!! The bullshit has to end.

Marley76 posted 6/21/2013 16:34 PM

I know you are hurting and mad. My first instinct too was to eff their lives up. But that just takes effort on your part. You need to put all your effort into you. Knowing why does not change what he is showing you and he's showing you he is a lying cheating pos. time for you to start living the life you deserve with someone who deserves you!! Stay strong and move on!!! <3

UntilThen posted 6/22/2013 13:47 PM

Good for you for going to your mom's house. Don't even think of returning to WBF until you have thought through your boundaries and made them very clear to him. At the very least you must insist that he go NC with the ex-girlfriend. He must write her a letter telling her very clearly that it is over between them and that she should not contact him again. He must also agree to counseling and must agree that there will not be any more "dating". Send a very firm message that unless he does these things, the relationship with you does not stand a chance. I'd stay away for a good while. Date him if you want, but until you see him living up to your expectations, I wouldn't move back in with him.

Every time you invite him back into your life, without setting very clear boundaries, you allow him to hurt you again.

newnormal posted 6/25/2013 11:27 AM

Welcome to the best Club your never wanted to join.

All of your emotions are normal. Hang on, the ride can get bumpy, but keep posting and the great SI family can help you sort stuff out.

Have you had a chance to read the healing library to your left? The 180 sounds like something that could help you at this time.

1Faith posted 6/25/2013 11:35 AM

I am sorry you are hurting, I am sorry you are here but this is a safe and honest place where people care.


Your boyfriend is a serial cheater. You know this, he has demonstrated this to you over and over.

He has not changed because he hasn't had to. You have taken him back every time and minimized his horrid behavior.

Why will this time be any different?

This stops when YOU say enough.

Define your boundaries and do not accept one feeble excuse to why he chose to cheat.

It is part of who he is. You can't fix him. He has to fix him. He has to understand why he thinks it is okay to cheat.

Read everything in the healing library but also turn your hurt and anger into a plan of action.

I also recommend getting tested for STD's.

This sucks but you will make it through. Be strong for you and your kids. You all deserve better.


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