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DeadMumWalking posted 6/21/2013 14:44 PM

I guess I am an 'old-timer'. DDay Dec 2008. Joined SI Aug 2009. Limbo for ... idk ... YEARS. Have been S since before x-mas.

Off the deep end a few times after that.

Including a few times where I truly thought I. WOULD. D.I.E.

Fortunately - FORTUNATELY!! - I reached out to you all here - SI. Was advised that I was depressed, find a psych dr. Not as easy as it should be in this country, but I reached out and found someone. Am on meds (zoloft and mirtazipine to be exact). Am actually SLEEPING at night now - for the first time in I don't know how many years. Have even had a few good days - yes that's right, not 'not bad days' but bona fide GOOD DAYS.

IDK if we will end up R or S or D. Right now, that's not what matters.

Right now, I know - I KNOW - I would not be alive without you all at SI. I was circling the drain, tanking BIG TIME, had a suicide plan with a pretty high lethality rate. But I reached out. To you all here.

Thank you so much.

As I said - I still don't know what the future holds, but what I DO know if that there would not even BE a future without the SI Army.

Thank you all so much.

For those of you who are new, who are hurting, who have come up against DD # xyz - please do not give up hope. There are SO MANY people here who understand. Who care. Who will hold your hand and help you to navigate the rollercoaster, the shit sandwich you have been dealt.

((((SI))))

MovingUpward posted 6/21/2013 14:46 PM

Glad to hear that things are looking up.

((((DeadMumWalking))))

DeadMumWalking posted 6/21/2013 14:50 PM

Thanks for the support Moo, and all the good work that you and all the guides and mods (and admins) at SI do. We are all truly blessed!!

JanaGreen posted 6/21/2013 14:50 PM

So happy to hear you got help and are doing well. (((((HUGS)))))

caregiver9000 posted 6/21/2013 14:53 PM

(((DMW)))

Whoooo HOOOOO!!!! Good days!!

Love it. Glad you have good days to trot out and celebrate.

I am so glad that you were here and found support to pull you from the "drain."

Whatever the future holds, you sound better prepared to handle it.

DeadMumWalking posted 6/21/2013 14:54 PM

Thanks ((((JanaGreen))))

I wouldn't say I'm completely out of the woods yet, but I am doing so much better. I TRULY forgot how GOOD life could be.

What's more: I don't see how I would have been able to come out of the darkness without SI. I have had so much love and support, and such strong, practical advice from here.

DeadMumWalking posted 6/21/2013 14:56 PM

((((cg))))

Yes, things are really better. And you are SO RIGHT. Whatever the future holds - WHATEVER - I am better prepared to deal with it.

I look forward to giving (and getting where necessary) support in the future.

NoTriangles posted 6/21/2013 17:06 PM

Hi Mum!

I remember your story and am so glad to hear you are feeling better!!

You DO have a future and it can be whatever you want it to be!

DeadMumWalking posted 6/21/2013 17:11 PM

Thanks so much ((((NoTriangles))))

Sometimes I feel strong enough to help others, other times I have been to the very depths of despair and reach out here for help.

Thanks for the good wishes, it helps me beyond measure that the SI peeps are here rooting for me!

Jrazz posted 6/21/2013 17:17 PM

(((DMW)))

I know you've helped many people as well. I'm so glad that you're on such a positive track.

metamorphisis posted 6/21/2013 17:44 PM

This made me teary. Happy tears. It's so important what we all do for each other here and makes me feel good to be a part of it.

Spelljean posted 6/21/2013 18:23 PM

You have posted so much helpful advice for me throughout this past 10 months. You along with so many others here have saved me too!

bufffalo posted 6/21/2013 22:40 PM

Atta girl...keep it up.

Bufffalo

gonnabe2016 posted 6/21/2013 22:48 PM

You may feel that you have 'gotten', DMW....but you have also given just as much.
You are one that has been posting to my threads since day 1...no matter how ridiculous I sounded.

I think that you are amazing and you have a special place in the world. I'm glad that your 'lethal' plan fell by the wayside. What an incredible loss that would have been!

You are you...and that makes you special. I'm glad that you are starting to see light, DMW. You deserve to feel happiness, you are worth it.

eta: PS....the *eyes* were depicting some of my stupid posts and my incredible stubborn-ness at going NC w/ Sultan against your (and everyone else's advice). Not YOU for posting to me!

[This message edited by gonnabe2016 at 10:51 PM, June 21st (Friday)]

nolight posted 6/21/2013 23:20 PM

I'm so happy to hear this DMW remember though the strength to get you to where you are is yours, you should be so proud at the way you have pulled yourself through.