I'm sorry, UMBL. I know the feelings of insecurity, too.
There is a list as long as an ocean is wide about the things about OW that are against or opposite all things Perv used to say about women and life.
OW is apparently very, very large, for one thing. I am very small. We are the same age, same coloring and have daughter's the same age. But it stops there.
He used to poke fun at the image she portrays, including what he called "frufru" dogs, which she has, apparently, one named our last name. ?
The list goes on and was enough that this was told me by Perv himself, until I could stand no more. I do understand that this is a very, very juvenile person and who is aware the he left behind a suffering daughter and pregnant wife.
It takes a lot of soul searching and a long time, UMBL, but it's not about reason or logic and often, none can be found. It's not about physical appearance often times as "willingness" or "convenience"-I don't want to be rude.
I have a friend who is a BS also and she is this gorgeous woman who spends a lot of time and care on her appearance. She is a tall blond woman who turns heads-got noticed by Perv, of course-and she got cheated on. Her ExH said the sex wasn't what he wanted and that's what Perv tried to say part of the problem was. He, too has a wazoo full of FOO issues he won't ever deal with, because he thinks I am the problem and the rest of the world is wrong and stupid.
He thinks my conservative and polite ways are wrong and boring, so off he went to find someone who will perform all the things he sees on the Porn he likes and helps fulfill his sex fantasies, but ruined his life for.
I hope someday it will help to hear that. What I think is that if someone is bound and determined to do it, they will and often it's about ego and them and problems, as you say "foo issues".
I'm sorry for your struggle. I have triggers with seeing any people being any kind of couples, romance...it's all triggers right now but they go by. Sometimes new ones come and sometimes they don't.
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.