Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: Sunflower96

Divorce/Separation :
Where to live?

This Topic is Archived
default

 Sweetness8 (original poster member #25674) posted at 12:59 AM on Saturday, June 22nd, 2013

Hello fellow peeps,

My husband and I are in the midst of divorce, negotiating custody right now. My lawyer told me that I probably won't get any part of the house because it is in his name only and was his property before we married. I don't need this house, but I'm not sure where to go. I may have to stay here with the kids and live around a man, who appears to have gone out on a date this evening. I really want to get out and start a fresh life with my kids, but I feel so stuck. Does anyone have experience with this type of situation. It's really been hard for obvious reasons. He filed in the middle of May 2013, and we are still just working on custody. No idea about property division, child support, etc.

Thanks for reading, and I've learned SO much from reading the many and varied posts here.

BW: 43 WH: 39 We are done.
Married 15 years with two kids: Cool Boy is 10 and Auburn Girl is 14
D-Day #1: 9-2009, 6-month EA/PA with H.S. friend. Did it ever end? D-day #2 on 5-2-13: Found OW's current pic on his cell.

posts: 80   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2009   ·   location: Zoo of the New
id 6383150
default

tesla ( member #34697) posted at 2:32 AM on Saturday, June 22nd, 2013

Your L should have given you an idea about how the property division would fall should it go to trial. I'd ask your L for worst case scenario and figure out what you would like to negotiate for. Always shoot higher than where you will settle. Once you have an idea, you can figure out a workable living arrangement for yourself and the kiddos.

"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

posts: 5066   ·   registered: Jan. 31st, 2012
id 6383238
default

Ashland13 ( member #38378) posted at 8:24 PM on Saturday, June 22nd, 2013

Tesla's right. I'm going through this right now, but luckily, my name is on the deed and mortgage so "our" house is thought of as marital property.

I'm sad for your situation, Sweetness, it's not easy. Perv returned briefly for ten days and it was intolerable living with him after Dday. I never knew if the next thing I did or said would send him packing, for it felt like every time I spoke, he was getting his toothbrush and backpack. It was really awful. Then after one night time sneak out, DD and I didn't know if he would be here in the morning when we woke up.

I'm glad you don't need the house and what I'm learning and have been advised is that anything I can let go of will help the horrible process go by faster.

Child support (CS on here) is frequently given to the parent with physical custody-in our state-and is based on a percent of salary.

The custody part was hard for me to understand but I finally get it better. There are different kinds and L described some of it -"joint"-as sharing information and Perv getting to have a say in some of DD's upbringing.

"Physical custody" was more important for me, for that's where or with whom a child would actually live.

It's really up to you to stay or go and if you know you won't have a chance at the house, in some ways I think, rip that band aid off! I've had to do that with some other aspects and it emotionally ruined me to do, but I'm on the other side of some things now because of it.

Maybe making a list of ideas about living where you do and what a new place would bring? Maybe actually going to see some alternatives and letting yourself think about having different walls there when you wake up in the morning...opening these thought channels sometimes has helped me be less scared and able to take back a tiny bit of control that got taken away.

Sorry for my long post, for I live that very thing.

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

posts: 3034   ·   registered: Feb. 7th, 2013   ·   location: New England
id 6383774
default

 Sweetness8 (original poster member #25674) posted at 1:56 AM on Monday, June 24th, 2013

Aw, I want to cry...you ladies are so sweet! Thank you, Ashland, for all that you wrote. My kids and I, really I, need to get out of here; it just gets more tense every week. Ex and I are not even speaking much, just avoiding each other, but bestowing big love on both kids, seperately. He spent the last two evenings somewhere else, don't even care where. If I would engage in the same overnight behavior, I would be viewed as a bad parent.

Thanks for all the lovely writing ideas. Im seeing a great therapist and I love my lawyer lady.

BW: 43 WH: 39 We are done.
Married 15 years with two kids: Cool Boy is 10 and Auburn Girl is 14
D-Day #1: 9-2009, 6-month EA/PA with H.S. friend. Did it ever end? D-day #2 on 5-2-13: Found OW's current pic on his cell.

posts: 80   ·   registered: Sep. 29th, 2009   ·   location: Zoo of the New
id 6384838
This Topic is Archived
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20250404a 2002-2025 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy