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changedforlife posted 6/21/2013 20:16 PM

Today has been a crappy day.

I have been triggering quite a bit today. The area where my WH's A took place has been in the news a lot today and the A has been on my mind even more than usual.

This evening my WH was reading some news online and started google mapping the area. When I saw that, I immediately triggered and was wondering if he was thinking about OW or the A, too. I didn't say anything right away but he did sense I was off and asked if I was OK.

I debated whether or not to tell him but I am trying to be more open and honest about my feelings instead of keeping everything bottled up. So, I told him that when I see or hear things about that area, it is a trigger for me.

And his response....complete silence. Followed shortly by him getting up and going into the bedroom and closing the door. No goodnight, nothing. I waited to see if he was going to come out and when he didn't, I went in. He tells me that since he is a trigger that he thought he should just make himself scarce. I responded that he wasn't the trigger. Then he said he is cranky and tired and had a bad day(which he did, but that is beside the point.)I said I was trying to be open and honest about my feelings and I would have liked to hear that he was sorry. He said that I know he is sorry because he said it before.

I am so frustrated. And tomorrow I am supposed to be in a 5K race to finish off a Learn to Run program that I have been going to. I had asked if he and my DD would come to see it. Now, I really don't feel like going but my DD has been excited to go and I really don't want to disappoint her. I cannot see myself sleeping well tonight now and I would have to up early to go.

Everything F!@#$%ing sucks!

purplejacket4 posted 6/21/2013 21:21 PM

That was a crappy response from him. You deserve better. Hugs.

Jrazz posted 6/21/2013 21:26 PM

(((changedforlife)))

TheClimb posted 6/21/2013 21:31 PM

That's exactly why I stopped sharing my triggers. His response was worse than the initial trigger! I can't say if this is the right thing to do in a marriage or not. I vent here about running into her. I get a hell of a lot more compassion and can let it go.

Please complete the race, do it for yourself. You will feel so strong tomorrow when you cross that finish line!

libertyrocks posted 6/21/2013 22:32 PM

Sometimes I think we need to tell them what we need. I'm sorry bc I know his negative response made everything 10x worse. As if u didn't already feel horrible. Now he won't comfort u. I find that H now will hold me say he's sorry and feel bad for me. He wasn't always like that...I had to guide him by telling him what I needed. That's part of being open. Silence avoidance or defensiveness is unacceptable for me now...good luck sweetie.

[This message edited by libertyrocks at 10:32 PM, June 21st (Friday)]

changedforlife posted 6/22/2013 20:34 PM

Thanks all! I needed somewhere to talk about this that I would feel like I was actually being heard.

He just doesn't seem to get really get it. His feelings always seem to trump mine and I am tired of it.

The Climb - I did complete the race today and I did it under my goal time! If it hadn't been for my DD being so excited about it, I might not have but I am glad I did it. Thanks!

TheClimb posted 6/22/2013 22:28 PM

Way to go! And under your goal time too. I'm so glad you did this.

An affair really takes a toll on our self esteem. You just took a huge step in building it back up again. You Rock.