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Frustrated, Pissed, and Feeling Down

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mad2

 changedforlife (original poster member #38474) posted at 2:16 AM on Saturday, June 22nd, 2013

Today has been a crappy day.

I have been triggering quite a bit today. The area where my WH's A took place has been in the news a lot today and the A has been on my mind even more than usual.

This evening my WH was reading some news online and started google mapping the area. When I saw that, I immediately triggered and was wondering if he was thinking about OW or the A, too. I didn't say anything right away but he did sense I was off and asked if I was OK.

I debated whether or not to tell him but I am trying to be more open and honest about my feelings instead of keeping everything bottled up. So, I told him that when I see or hear things about that area, it is a trigger for me.

And his response....complete silence. Followed shortly by him getting up and going into the bedroom and closing the door. No goodnight, nothing. I waited to see if he was going to come out and when he didn't, I went in. He tells me that since he is a trigger that he thought he should just make himself scarce. I responded that he wasn't the trigger. Then he said he is cranky and tired and had a bad day(which he did, but that is beside the point.)I said I was trying to be open and honest about my feelings and I would have liked to hear that he was sorry. He said that I know he is sorry because he said it before.

I am so frustrated. And tomorrow I am supposed to be in a 5K race to finish off a Learn to Run program that I have been going to. I had asked if he and my DD would come to see it. Now, I really don't feel like going but my DD has been excited to go and I really don't want to disappoint her. I cannot see myself sleeping well tonight now and I would have to up early to go.

Everything F!@#$%ing sucks!

Me - BS Him - WH (in our 50's)Together 31 years/ 1 teenager1st D-day - Jan 24/13 #? d-days from broken no contact and continued infidelity for several years. Attempted reconciliation.July 28/23 told him it was over and he wa

posts: 172   ·   registered: Feb. 17th, 2013   ·   location: Canada
id 6383220
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purplejacket4 ( member #34262) posted at 3:21 AM on Saturday, June 22nd, 2013

That was a crappy response from him. You deserve better. Hugs.

Me: BS 50
Her: FWS 53 (both family med MDs; together 23 years)
OW: who cares (PhD)
Dday: 10/11: 11/11 TT for months; NC 8/12
Limboconsiliationish
"band aids don't fix bullet holes" Taylor Swift
I NEVER mind medical ???

posts: 3013   ·   registered: Dec. 20th, 2011   ·   location: Here
id 6383286
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Jrazz ( member #31349) posted at 3:26 AM on Saturday, June 22nd, 2013

(((changedforlife)))

"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." - Deeply Scared's mom

posts: 29076   ·   registered: Feb. 28th, 2011   ·   location: California
id 6383293
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TheClimb ( member #25895) posted at 3:31 AM on Saturday, June 22nd, 2013

That's exactly why I stopped sharing my triggers. His response was worse than the initial trigger! I can't say if this is the right thing to do in a marriage or not. I vent here about running into her. I get a hell of a lot more compassion and can let it go.

Please complete the race, do it for yourself. You will feel so strong tomorrow when you cross that finish line!

"That which can be destroyed by the truth should be" P.C. Hodgell

posts: 498   ·   registered: Oct. 19th, 2009   ·   location: Southern Maryland
id 6383302
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libertyrocks ( member #38924) posted at 4:32 AM on Saturday, June 22nd, 2013

Sometimes I think we need to tell them what we need. I'm sorry bc I know his negative response made everything 10x worse. As if u didn't already feel horrible. Now he won't comfort u. I find that H now will hold me say he's sorry and feel bad for me. He wasn't always like that...I had to guide him by telling him what I needed. That's part of being open. Silence avoidance or defensiveness is unacceptable for me now...good luck sweetie.

[This message edited by libertyrocks at 10:32 PM, June 21st (Friday)]

Me-37 Ws-37
2 kids
Dday Nov 2012, TT for a year.
Reconciling for the third time in 4 years.

posts: 972   ·   registered: Apr. 8th, 2013
id 6383351
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 changedforlife (original poster member #38474) posted at 2:34 AM on Sunday, June 23rd, 2013

Thanks all! I needed somewhere to talk about this that I would feel like I was actually being heard.

He just doesn't seem to get really get it. His feelings always seem to trump mine and I am tired of it.

The Climb - I did complete the race today and I did it under my goal time! If it hadn't been for my DD being so excited about it, I might not have but I am glad I did it. Thanks!

Me - BS Him - WH (in our 50's)Together 31 years/ 1 teenager1st D-day - Jan 24/13 #? d-days from broken no contact and continued infidelity for several years. Attempted reconciliation.July 28/23 told him it was over and he wa

posts: 172   ·   registered: Feb. 17th, 2013   ·   location: Canada
id 6383983
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TheClimb ( member #25895) posted at 4:28 AM on Sunday, June 23rd, 2013

Way to go! And under your goal time too. I'm so glad you did this.

An affair really takes a toll on our self esteem. You just took a huge step in building it back up again. You Rock.

"That which can be destroyed by the truth should be" P.C. Hodgell

posts: 498   ·   registered: Oct. 19th, 2009   ·   location: Southern Maryland
id 6384089
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