I think he is 'support shopping'. Looking for the advice/approach that will allow him to adjust the focus of his affair behavior away from himself. And he chose a nice option for himself in this article.
This article spends most of its time talking about the failure of the wife to meet her husbands need for respect and admiration.
He acted only in ways to get that need met from a co-worker. Nothing more. However, the lies that he tells himself to break boundaries is not addressed or even called out. How he gave himself permission to conduct the affair? Not addressed. His ability to compartmentalize his life? Not acknowledged.
I think that being married with teenage kids is hard. I think dealing with bankruptcy and death is hard. For the individuals and the marriage too. What a huge strain.
I am pretty sure that, as a partner trying to keep the family boat afloat -- ego kibbles to the guy that helped get us there would not be my number one priority.
And in this terrible time.. what of the wife's needs?
Not ONE of her needs is discussed in this article. Not one. She ends up with a shiny new ring & gets wined and dined(how is that happening if they are broke?).
Can we get real for a second? If you are in bankruptcy, you are not buying a costly diamond or affording wine and dinners out and about. But put it in print and it makes it so.... uggh. Annoying.
Oh and the wife has a love letter to take out and sooth her when affair pain gets to her. That's when I know the story is jacked. A letter? Please! She seems satisfied, maybe her needs are being met... Again, I would want some clarification on that.
While the article does address that it is not the wife's fault(immediately followed with a but her actions contributed to the break down of the marriage). It does say that it is hard work to come back.
It just seems like a story that someone made up to fit the facts and storyline that someone wanted told.
Both partners in a marriage have needs, especially in a time of crisis. The partner that chooses to break the trust has a responsibility to rebuild that trust.
Making couple time a priority is not going to solve the A issue. You have to get through the Affair issues, then Marriage issues.
Does reading this article change the boundary you set as far a detailed timeline?
Probably not. So enforce it.
He keeps bringing up in MC that I need to look at my behavior and not always blame him
I think until he acknowledges the extent of his betrayals- emotional, physical and financial - you are stuck at the starting line. How do you move forward to marriage issues when you don't even know the extent of the affairs.
Keep your boundary.
As far as the article goes, he is showing you where he is at. Trying to negotiate a shortcut in healing and focus. He isn't there yet. See it for what it is.