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Blameitontherain posted 6/21/2013 21:26 PM

WH and I got into a fight. Basically ended up trying to talk. I admitted to be my specific deficiencies in the marriage. I know where I have done wrong. The ones I know are:

Child centered marriage
Lack of sexual relations
Lack of confidence in myself for school/job
There were a couple more but I can't remember. I am crying.

When I asked if he had done everything he should have done as a husband and father the past almost 11 years, he said yes. Then modified it to he hasn't been the best husband or father. When I said what, basically asking for generalities like I listed, I got crickets.

I exposed myself. Admitted my faults, I am raw. He could not or would not do the same for me. I feel so hopeless.

Knowing posted 6/21/2013 21:58 PM

What you did takes courage, courage your WS may not have at the moment. Don't give up just yet. You said that R was starting to look like a possibility only a month ago. Bring up your attempts to open up a dialogue about taking responsability at your next MC session and see if that doesn't get him talking there or next time you have a talk. Are you trying to lead by example? Or coax him out? It's hard to not have an expectation that opening up to our WS will inspire them to open up to us. I made a lot of confessions and took a lot of blame for my own shortcomings in the M, and as a human being in general, after DDay but it took my fWH a lot longer than me to feel safe in that regard.

My fWH is only started to open up to me now at 9 months of pretty solid recovery. And it definitely has a lot to do with him starting IC last month.

Blameitontherain posted 6/22/2013 12:01 PM

I had a really bad night. Just as bad as dday. I could not stop crying next to him. I feel so alone, unloved, hurt. I tried to be quietbut couldn't. He ignored me then when I got too loud he got up and walked out of the room to go to another room.

This reconfirmed everythingI was already sent me into a tailspin. I have never felt so alone and so hurt. I couldnt stand, I went after his as best I could, begged him to please not leave me alone. I didn't even recognize my voice. I sounded so pathetic begging for anything from him. He helped me to bed. I still couldn't control my sobbing. It was horrible. He gave me an ambien and I passed out crying. I don't even remember falling asleep.

This morning I dont exist to him. I am nothing. It started me crying again. Just because I fell asleep doesn't mean all these feeling are magically resolved. He walked out and left in truck to go get dip. Doesn't want to deal with his emotionally needy wife.
I have a birthday party to throw today for my son. So I grabbed the kids and left. Still have a million things to do for it. Hopefully I pull it together and cover up my puffy face and eyes for the party.

MylarPineapples posted 6/22/2013 12:26 PM


I'm sorry he is not comforting you and that you are hurting so much. I hope you're able to get through your party today, and celebrate your son's birthday.

More ((((hugs))))

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