POS told me repeatedly over the years that I was the strongest person he has ever known. I found strength in that and always thought, "damn straight I am, asshole!"
Yet there are times, like tonight, when I am tired of being the strong one ALL the fucking time! Aren't we supposed to share that burden with our spouse? I feel like I have never been able to do that, and I am tired. Perhaps just a melancholy night, but I would love, if even for a short period of time, to let someone else be the strong person for a while. Lack of trust now even makes that less of a possibility. I carried his sorry ass thru grad school, I made sure we didn't go into bankruptcy because of all his shopping sprees, I worked all those times he was unemployed and always carried health insurance (ensuring I could never quit my job), I took care of the kids and coordinated everything, I coordinated all the doctor appointments with all his elderly relatives (including cancer treatments), I made all veteran's home arrangements for his uncle and tracked down copies of destroyed WWII documents to gain him entrance, I have always been the one to help kids with homework including college level, I have always made arrangements for home repairs or did them myself, I always took care of all refinances and all he had to do was show up and sign the documents, I have taken care of all dogs from puppyhood (and rabbits, and hamsters, and tarantulas), and on and on. So tonight I am just feeling incredibly tired and wishing I had someone to actually ease my burden for a change rather than adding to it.
Okay, I will give POS some credit. He was always good with ordering pizza and making car oil change appointments...
*sigh* Guess I will just have to plow forward, but some days it is incredibly difficult, like today...
[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 2:06 AM, June 22nd (Saturday)]
~Indifference - Because some people do not deserve your emotions.~
I edit often because my tablet is possessed!
I am in awe of how much you actually did. Just hearing the list of things you did wore me out I think it's tough when only one spouse wants to treat the marriage as a partnership and the other wants to treated it like something to be used.
My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.
However, what I was responsible for does not even come close to what you were doing for him, Phoenix. FTG-- he sure did like to eat cake, didn't he? I hope he enjoys learning how to be a big boy since he will no longer have you to take care of everything!
Yeah, I enjoy working myself into an early grave because if I turned anything over to him it either wouldn't get done or it would be fucked up and I would have to fix an even bigger mess. Control Nazi, no, very practical, yes...
Yes, he enjoyed his cake eating. And he doesn't know it, but I have kept his major grad school papers because I wrote those fuckers anyway..... Petty, but it makes me feel better in a very small, insignificant way....
He will never find anyone else that is both as awesome as me AND willing to put up with his SA, PA, NPD, and hoarding!!
[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 12:30 PM, June 22nd (Saturday)]