I think I'm missing the point.
But, financially and location-wise, I did what I had to do at the time. The other bonus: any time I felt like getting a D was the wrong decision (this is based on my experience, not for those attempting R), XWH would do or say something to reaffirm my belief that a D was the best option. So, that was a silver lining, I suppose.
(((all IHS folk)))
He (WH) refuses to respect boundaries. He keeps making lame attempts (vs. real ones via truth, transparency, IC, MC) to get me to "move past this" and "get back to being friends" and in his head that includes "with benefits".
I don't really want to be his friend.
In my head as long as he's still thinking of OW as his one true love there is no point in us. Fine, I decide I'll work on me.
In the beginning I encouraged him to find an occupation, go back to school, find what besides her would make him whole again...
Now I just have to repeat "leave me alone unless it has to do with a bill or the kid".
He just thinks he is so damned charming no one can resist him.
He can't understand that any waking minute that I am functional will be working towards the now and the future - healing me, bettering me (via school), bettering my relationship with my son before he hits his teens (lol), bettering my health. He doesn't understand why I can't even listen to his "chit chat".
I don't have time to listen to what he thinks of the latest news on CNN, what he thinks of his family, what he thinks about other people, etc.
It takes me getting down right mean - "LEAVE ME ALONE" before he'll listen and then its just until he thinks I am over my "mood". Its like he doesn't believe anything I say. I don't think he will until we are in separate homes.
But until I finish school and until he has some means of supporting himself there is just no point in trying that as then we'd both need more time to help our son.
And it hurts so much everyday when my son will say something like "see, Dad still loves you".
I don't know why he thinks he needs to say that or if WH has talked to him without me?
Your DS is probably aware that something is wrong. My oldest would often say things that made me wonder how much he knew. Next time he asks you that, I would ask him why. If your WH has been talking to him, your DS will likely spill the beans. My XWH tried to get my kids to "keep a secret" (his engagement to the OW), and they kept it for all of two minutes.
You fired me from that job
I have rearranged my routines/schedule to be as nearly opposite him I can. I do stay in my room mostly so my son refers to our time together as "visiting mommy in her room".
I work all day and do school work all night or run with my son. I go away almost all weekend every weekend, sometimes with my son, sometimes not.
So far this weekend its been better.
I finally told him I have been going to IC. Now he blames "that woman" (IC doc) for me being "cold". I told him no, that would be "that OTHER woman and you".
Its hard when my son wants us to do things together. I begged off an excursion last weekend blaming school work. So this weekend when another excursion was scheduled I had to spend the day with them. My son was happy. I stayed as disconnected from WH as possible. I did get a "thank you" for going
Next weekend will be worse. Its a preplanned, prebought trip with my family. He begged off last year saying he had to work and they crucified him for it. I don't think he'll skip going this year. I've thought about offering his ticket to one of my son's friends and telling my family that I didn't want him to come but then that would start a pile of stuff I don't want.
I've thought about printing out the one thing I've seen here on SI - its got the 4 something before R?? Honesty and transparency are in there. I thought I might give it to him and say when you can meet this - then you can talk to me about us - then we'll see if we can still be friends and go from there.
Honestly right now I wish I could get him to leave me alone all the time so I can focus on me.
I repeated that to him last night when he was trying to pick a fight with me about me going to IC. I told him - shocker - that this was nothing about him, it was about me, for me and to stay the hell out of it, pretty much what I've been asking him to do for months now.
It'll work for a little bit, then it won't, he'll start trying to be nice, pack my lunch, check on me if I'm too quiet, sneak up on me in the shower.
For a little bit I thought all those things meant there was an us. Until I found SI and started reading. Now I know what it will take for me to feel better and he won't even want to hear it and now he'll think my IC put me up to it. At least I won't have to tell him about SI.
I could literally pack anything from this life I wanted in my car and be gone in < 1 hour except for my son's 2 rooms of STUFF! I've embraced minimalism! It means I'm always ready to go.
I already gave him doubles of family pics/pics of son. I have a plan laid out on my school laptop - who to call to term/change names on utilities/lease/insurance/etc.
I have mom&dad, sis, brother - any of whom would make room for me (but jeesh o pete I'm 40something).
Financially if, or when I move, it's going to be hell. WW doesn't make enough money to support herself and stay in the home. Oh well. I told her if I leave and the house get's foreclosed on, so be it. That's on her.
And judging from the responses in that thread, I don't think there are any easy answers for people in our situation. It's a messy transitional situation with no clear rules. I wish I had some good advice. Instead, I just have a world of sympathy and compassion. Hang in there. We'll get through this, and eventually we'll get out.