The husband is struggling. I cheated on him about 6 years ago. We didn't really work through it we just kind of glossed over it to move on. I was a selfish piece of poo. i know this and i"ve worked hard to change. The husband had a month long PA with his co worker in November (kissing and sex 3 times). He was severly depressed then and was self medicating with alcohol and a pretty young girl who paid attention to him while her bf was away.
He has been on meds since March and has thought about ending his life a few times. Several times before DDay and once about a week ago.
I am struggling because I didn't see this coming. I had been noticing his signs of depression but it never clicked that he would cheat after 6 years of telling me that i was crap for cheating and he would never stoop so low.
So here we are today. His depression doesn't seem to be getting better with the medication. He's on about 4 different things now. He is at an extreme low. We've been able to talk about the A and I feel like the conversations are good for us to move forward but painful of course.
He's trying to get a new job so he doesn't have to work for the same company as her anymore. He's trying to do better for our family. But he's stuck on how he hurt us and he doesn't seem to think he can bring anything positive to our family.
I know he messed up and I go from being happy with him to being triggered by something and turning into a witch.
I love him. I know he loves me. I know he knows he fucked up big time. He has said all of the right things (thank you SI for teaching me what I need to know!) and he is trying to do go when he is in an upswing.
So my question is- what should I do to help him move out of the self loathing? I know that not talking about the A would help but I don't think that's fair to me. When I want to talk about it so that I can feel some clarity I want to talk about it. My husband is the type to give up before things get to hard. R is hard. D is the easier choice.
I love him so much and i know he is so broken and so does he. i want him to move forward but idont know what to do.