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Finally a straight answer

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WhatsRight posted 6/22/2013 09:57 AM

I made the comment that I had so many feelings going 'round inside me that sometimes I felt like if I didn't get them out, I would die.

He said that he envied my ability to 'get them out', (express my feelings) and that his pain was twice as bad as mine. (I can actually see how that would be awful, too.)

So, I asked if he could just try to help me understand why he cannot express himself. He said it was fear of further disappointment, fear of having it thrown back at him in the future, and being criticized.

I asked if those fears outweighed the positive that could come out of expressing himself, and he said - without pause - Yes.

So there you have it. Or - there I have it. I guess you can't be any clearer than that.

I / we are not worth the work it would take.

A real boost to my already dead and rotting self esteem.

[This message edited by WhatsRight at 10:03 AM, June 22nd (Saturday)]

noescape posted 6/22/2013 10:46 AM

Sorry about that WR, my W has the same problem. Felt like we're dealing with siblings.

At least take heart in that him admitting even this:

I asked if those fears outweighed the positive that could come out of expressing himself, and he said - without pause - Yes.

is something far too much for my W to be able to do...

newnormal posted 6/22/2013 21:03 PM

I begged stbx to share his feeling of remorse, regret, embarrassment or just say something that would indicate to me that he regretted what he did. Nadda. Nothing. I just got blame shifting "you would just through it in my face". In the end, it came down to his ego: he had the A to stroke his ego, and couldn't bear to think he isn't Mr. Perfect husband, nice guy. Image is more important than the actual relationship.

I'm sorry you are gong through this

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