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Do you get in middle of prob with your children and xwh

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homewrecked2011 posted 6/22/2013 16:57 PM

My son asked his dad to take him to trumpet lessons next week, but XWH told him he couldn't because he didn't have any gas money. LIAR! My son knows his Dad just drove OW children 3 states away to drop them off with their Dad.

I am so used to being the one in charge, doing what XWH would not do. So, do I tell my son,np, I'll take you, or do I let him miss 2 weeks bc his father is an ass.

soveryweary posted 6/22/2013 17:16 PM

Homewrecked, I would take my son if I was in that situation.

Nature_Girl posted 6/22/2013 19:58 PM

I would take him, but I would also not hide the fact that Daddy made a poor choice. I don't cover for STBX's bad choices any longer. I don't explain them away or try to make them seem better than they are.

kernel posted 6/22/2013 20:50 PM

I agree with Nature Girl. Don't make your son suffer, but be honest about why you're doing the driving. Calm, honest, no name calling but truthful.

Kajem posted 6/22/2013 21:02 PM

I have done this on many occasions. I make my decisions on some of the following questions:

#1 is this for a grade? Or will it cost ME money if he misses the lesson?

^ Those are YES.

#2 are you able to do it without switching your schedule around too much?

^ this is a maybe.. depends on my schedule and if I can do it without to much stress.

#3 Is there a way my kid could do this on their own? Walk, bike, go early with a friend?

^I like my kids to think of other alternatives to me and dad.. and sometimes it does work out that they can go with a friend.

Generally, I will not volunteer, I let them try to work it out and wait to be asked. If I keep jumping in to help, they will keep relying on me to pick up his pieces when he drops the ball. And my X was constantly dropping the ball.

Good luck,


homewrecked2011 posted 6/22/2013 23:05 PM

Thank you everyone. I always tried to make everything "perfect" which hid the real Dad from my children.

I will take son, I want him to know I am responsible and he can count on me.

I called XWH about this issue and before the call was over he had taken the conversation all the way to him not signing over the house to me, reading me excerpts of the divorce papers, and that he is also not taking our children to texas to see his family over the children's summer visitation. I WILL NEVER TALK TO HIM AGAIN. Lesson finally learned. He is a very sick person, but I am sick also if I want to have a conversation with a nut. LOL

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