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OW contacted me...I'm a mess now

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crazyblindsided posted 6/22/2013 17:10 PM

MOW contacted me to take her name off the cheater site I put her on. At first I was going to ignore and then fell down the rabbit hole...far down the hole.

MOW thinks my WH is staying with me because he's afraid I'm going to kill myself and told me so. I can't believe she even knows that information about me . Just another part of me my WH exposed to her.

She went on to tell me that I am a miserable person who does nothing but obsess over her and try to control my WH by keeping him at home.

I will never understand why a person would want to inflict this kind of pain on someone, especially to the one they helped betray.

What's worse is she's right. I am a miserable person now. I feel like I can barely function as it is day to day.

I can't get her words out of my head. I ended up cutting myself again so I am back at square one with my coping skills. I feel like I'm losing the war to get healthy and I'm scared.

I will not look at any more of her messages and I hope she doesn't contact me again. I took her name off the site and I hope she is happy now. I just want to be left alone. i feel like my healing has been set back.

Luckily WH has really stepped up and had set every word she said to me straight and tell me that he is with me for the long haul he wants ME and he will keep fighting for me. He also read "How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair" and he wants to start MC as soon as possible.

Now if I can get her words out of my head

He gets it and gets what he did, he still sees me suffering and now is VERY upset with MOW for having stirred trouble.

I was told that I am a worthless person who doesn't deserve to be here.

twodoves posted 6/22/2013 17:18 PM

She's projecting onto you.

She is a piece of work.

[This message edited by twodoves at 10:18 PM, June 22nd (Saturday)]

crazyblindsided posted 6/22/2013 17:23 PM

She's projecting onto you.

She is a piece of crap.

That's exactly what my WH said! He said usually the one who does the pointing is one who has the issues.

Still hard to hear though because I feel worthless and then to hear MOW call me worthless...it feels horrible

soveryweary posted 6/22/2013 17:25 PM

Oh honey, she is the worthless one. Big hugs to you.

TXBW68 posted 6/22/2013 17:26 PM

Please don't take her words to heart. She's just trying to get you to react negatively so she can feel better about herself. If you are miserable now, it's because of the betrayal She was a part of!

Focus on getting healthy and rebuilding your marriage. It sounds like your H is there for you. Allow him to help you. I know it's ironic, but it will help if you guys can function as a team.

Most importantly, PLEASE don't hurt yourself over this. She can not control your future. Only you can. You are a wonderful person. You help so many people here. It's time to put yourself first.

((lots of hugs))

UKgirl posted 6/22/2013 17:42 PM

There's no need or reason to be a mess. he more you bend, the more she will lean. She is self absorbed.

Worthless? She is the worthless one. Why on earth should you be bothered about what SHE thinks? Mentally get angry and kick her out. She’s not worth the head space.

Hugs

[This message edited by UKgirl at 5:45 PM, June 22nd (Saturday)]

crazyblindsided posted 6/22/2013 17:42 PM

soveryweary and TXBW68

Thank you!!!

crazyblindsided posted 6/22/2013 17:48 PM

Worthless? She is the worthless one. No morals worth speaking about, that’s for sure. Why on earth should you be bothered about what SHE thinks? She’s trash. Mentally get angry and kick her out. She’s not worth the head space.

I do need to do this. I am not sure why I'm bothered by what she thinks. I think that I kept thinking for so long that WH may not be here for ME and to hear her call me worthless I felt like it was like bullying. I already feel worthless inside and she is young and pretty and skinny. I need to just let this go.

gonnabe2016 posted 6/22/2013 18:07 PM

I felt like it was like bullying

Because that is exactly what it was. Actually, it was much worse than that...but this is the R forum, so I have to mind my manners.

CBS, you are definitely NOT worthless. You are caring and kind. You are a very valuable person.

Jrazz posted 6/22/2013 18:14 PM

She's broken, and she's taking it out on you.

That had to be so painful to hear, but believe me when I say that YOU are the beautiful one worth fighting for. You are worth it. She has to be miserable inside to treat someone so horribly.

I'm sorry, cbs. Sending big hugs. Sounds like your WH is doing the right thing here, and for the right reasons.

(((crazyblindsided)))

[This message edited by Jrazz at 6:16 PM, June 23rd (Sunday)]

HardenMyHeart posted 6/22/2013 18:27 PM

(((crazyblindsided)))

PhoenixRisen posted 6/22/2013 18:34 PM

does nothing but obsess over her and try to control my WH by keeping him at home

WOW! is she jealous of you!

honestly, If I had put OW's name on a cheating site and she asked me to take it down I would not only leave it I would find 3 other sites and post her name again, again, and again.

I don't take orders from a whore.

She is nothing.

Like a gnat buzzing around your head. that is all.

ignore
ignore
ignore

be proud she is jealous. It means you are winning :)

SI Staff posted 6/22/2013 19:19 PM

Twodoves and PhoenixRisen,

Please follow the guidelines of the Reconciliation forum:

There is to be no venting about or name calling the OP in this forum.

Thank you.

tired girl posted 6/22/2013 21:27 PM

CBS,

Why are you buying what she is selling?

Gr8Lady posted 6/22/2013 22:11 PM

It bothers you because you are vulnerable.
Have you read your book "When your lover is a liar".
That has helped me tremendously dealing with wh serial affairs.
Be kind to yourself...where you are is a rough place to be
Take your power back!

refuz2bavictim posted 6/22/2013 22:21 PM

Now if I can get her words out of my head

She planted seeds in your mind. Please DO NOT WATER THEM! They are weeds!

Let them fall on infertile ground where they belong so that they can not grow within you. Your mind is a garden that you need to tend with love and care. Please be careful about what you allow within that space as it's much harder to pull a weed when it takes root. It's much easier to just let that seed die. Don't allow it place to put down roots.

You need to protect yourself and care for your mind as carefully as you would the most precious things you own. You are in fact the most precious thing you own, and you are in control of your fate.

She may not contact you any longer. Period. If she sends a message, sets off fireworks in your yard, or crawls in through the pet door...refuse her. Read nothing she sends, hear nothing she says, and see nothing she does.

Fill that void with kind thoughts and words to yourself. You are worth it!

crazyblindsided posted 6/23/2013 01:26 AM

Why are you buying what she is selling?

I'm not sure that is the crazy part for me. I guess because she knows about my suicide attempt and I did not know that. It really threw me for a loop when she said it because I know the only person that would inform her of that is WH They still broke NC 2 times after that. Ugh I was doing so well.

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 1:27 AM, June 23rd (Sunday)]

crazyblindsided posted 6/23/2013 01:26 AM

double post

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 1:26 AM, June 23rd (Sunday)]

Want2help posted 6/23/2013 14:40 PM

Ow said those exact same words to me (minus the suicide part).

I would swear there is a script of hurtful words they use to get to BSs, that they know we will internalize.

Ignore her, block her, and if necessary, send her a NC letter again.

Vulcanized posted 6/23/2013 15:04 PM

She went on to tell me that I am a miserable person who does nothing but obsess over her and try to control my WH by keeping him at home.

CB, she is projecting. She's got her knickers in a twist b/c she tried to kill your M & she FAILED. Every rotten thing she is saying to you is really meant for her.

Now she is obsessing over you, and her only hope is for you to boot him out.

Pay her no mind. Focus on YOU. Your XW should be focused on protecting you from this evil woman.

Does OW's BS know? I'd let him know his WW is harassing you.

(((CB)))

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