My WW and I are still in the middle of our in-house separation while she looks for a place to move. Today, she got back from a week-long conference in India and has been unusually chatty.
She was very friendly and upbeat, volunteering lots of information about her trip, asking me questions about my week with our daughter. I was courteous enough, but reticent and somewhat terse. Frustrated, she said, "What are you not ever going to talk to me again?" Over the course of the evening, I loosened up a bit more, but not much.
I wish situations like this came with a guidebook. It feels like there are too many dimensions. I think that she wants to have a connection with me, wants to be able to talk to me, at least to a certain extent, like she used to. But of course, she has no interest in being married to me. I've been trying to stay distant, but this is difficult when living together, and a part of me wonders if she is just trying to ease the tension a little.
If there hadn't been any affair involved, I suppose my response would be obvious. I've heard plenty of stories of spouses who reunited after being separated for a time, sometimes gradually rebuilding their rapport, starting with just simple, cordial conversation. If it were just a matter of my wife wanting a divorce, then I would certainly want to make as much room for that as possible.
But because of the affair, I feel like allowing her to try to move us in a more friendly direction when she still hasn't confronted the severity of what she did to me is just allowing her to sweep things under the rug. I'm sure that she would love to be able to divorce me, live whatever kind of single life she wants, date other men, whatever, continuing to think of her affair simply as a transitional relationship, AND have a nice friendly no-strings-attached conversational relationship with me. It's the best of both worlds right? She gets her "freedom" while still being able to rely on me for the kinds of things she used to.
To be fair, I understand it. I miss just being able to talk with my wife about my day, to just share a laugh about whatever cute things my daughter did while she was with me. I'm sure she probably feels the same way. I guess the question is whether I should make any room for that at this point?
[This message edited by dbellanon at 7:11 PM, June 22nd (Saturday)]