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Newest Member: jaxonraine (61774)

User Topic: is this reconciliation?
♀ 37819
Member # 37819
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, June 22nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH asked me to move back in after 6 month sep. I moved badck reluctantly and scared at the end of May. Since then, we are sleeping in the same bed, but I feel like his roommate. Not once has he ever said all the right words, showed the right actions, nor ever shown true remorse other than the night he confessed to me. I made the mistake of asking for us to spend some quality time together and he basically said he's not interested. This man has never been uninterested...We are leaving for a 2 week family trip and he keeps throwing out things like 'if youre going to do this on trip, then you stay home" I feel like I am trying to do everything i am suppose to do to be a good wife, but am receiving nothing in return. Please help...

Posts: 74 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Grapevine, TX
♀ 34782
Member # 34782
Default  Posted: 10:12 PM, June 22nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is not reconciliation. What you describe is a WS still in the A.

Why did he want you to move back and act like this? Has he told you why he is acting this way? IMHO his behavior is not of someone wanting to work on his marriage.

Are you going to MC?

You need to take care of you. Figure out what you want. Don't wait for him to decide what he wants for the both of you. You deserve to be treated with respect and love. You deserve better than what you are getting right now.

Me BW - 46
Him WH - 53
Together 23 yrs, Married 18
DDay August 2011
2 kids - 13 and 15

Gotta love the life that we livin'

Posts: 376 | Registered: Feb 2012
♀ 37819
Member # 37819
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, June 22nd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My gut keeps going back and forth about wether or not he's still in contact. Days I don't think so, others?.. Maybe. What I do know is I'm not moving out of my house again. I want to know how I should act around the house... Like normal business without expecting anything from him, but I remain civil?

Also, there's a small safe we've had for years that is now locked. I can't remember code, but I want to know what's in there

Posts: 74 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Grapevine, TX
♀ 13447
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 6:06 AM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's not reconciliation. It doesn't mean he's in the A either. At the very least though it means he's trying to rugsweep without owning his choices and his actions.

MrH did this after the 1A. He was more caring and loving after the see there was another A? Well, that's what tends to happen when you rugsweep rather than deal with the issues.

The second time I initially thought I was in R. He was honest, transparent, seemed to care for me...but he still didn't do the work. I've been in limbo for years and he's just now doing the work since I outed some of his behavior to my IC and our MC. I could only get there by working on myself. That's when I could see I can't do his healing for him...and any WS needs some sort of healing from whatever caused them to be selfish, entitled and destructive enough to cheat. I also now see I don't need him as he is and if he doesn't catch up, I'll be ok moving on.

Re: not moving out of the house, maybe ask in the S/D forum about how to act during on-house separation. My guess is you start with the 180.

[This message edited by Holly-Isis at 6:08 AM, June 23rd (Sunday)]

"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11650 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
♀ 24572
Member # 24572
Default  Posted: 6:16 AM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No. And it's incredibly painful too - as I know. If he's not acting like a husband, lover, friend... utterly remorseful, devoted, affectionate, loving... then it's not a marriage. Even if you have all of those things, it's not a given that you should reconcile after an A. As things are, why should you live with this? Absolutely, why should you leave your house? But you may want to think about filing for a divorce and getting a good lawyer.

Me - 50
Him - 51
DDay 21 March 2009
Divorcing and delighted!

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.

Posts: 1463 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: UK
Topic Posts: 5

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