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Brokenpetal posted 6/22/2013 22:46 PM

So, I have loved him since I was 14 years old. I'm now 43. I realize our relationship is toxic, I can't fix him. And I can't fix me if im still with him. I need to separate myself to fix my issues, how do I do this? I am so lost right now...

Brokenpetal posted 6/22/2013 22:54 PM

I meant let "Go"-

MovingUpward posted 6/22/2013 23:15 PM

First I think you need to make a list of reasons that he is toxic to you. This list will serve as a reminder of why you need to separate and start to work on you.

Are you currently in IC?

SBB posted 6/23/2013 06:30 AM

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
- Anaïs Nin

“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself.”
- Paulo Coelho

"Sometimes all you have to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve."
- Unnkown

These quotes pretty much sum up the 'letting go' part of my journey. I only had two choices - let go or lose myself completely. For a time I was willing to risk losing myself completely but during False R I found it harder and harder to forgive myself for staying. I still loved him deeply when we finally separated. It was an agonising decision to make.

I no longer love him nor the man I thought I married. I am still mourning the man I thought I married even though he died for me some time ago. I am happier and freer mourning him than I ever would have been had I tried to 'fix' him. Truth is no-one can fix anyone else. We all know this yet we all believe we can love them out of it.

If you're not in IC I strongly suggest you find one.

Read up on NC and 180 in the Healing Library. These will be the first steps on your road to healing. Unfortunately there are no short-cuts (I've searched far and wide) - the only way through it is through it.

One minute, one hour, one day at a time - one step at a time.

You can do this - no doubt about it. Its getting to wanting this life less than the unknown that takes time.

((Brokenpetal)) I'm sorry you have had cause to find this place but I'm glad you found it. Keep reading, keep posting. Please know you're not alone. We all feel like our situations are different or unique - in the year I've been here I've realised that we all seem to follow a common script, WS and BS alike. Cold comfort right now - I know. I promise you you won't be this scared or in this much pain forever.

[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 6:58 AM, June 23rd (Sunday)]