The problem: Families require a background check. Not a problem I thought! Well big problem. When a search of state,county records, it shows "Repeat Violence"
I was like WTF?? Then I clicked on court documents and it hits me!! I had put a restraining order on MOW during the A. At the time my H DENIED the A had gone underground. Well MOW snuck up to our house late at night ...around 3 ish AM. she climbed our master bathroom window and snapped pictures of my H and I in bed! I found out several days later when I see H trying to climb the window to figure out how the hell she could have climbed it. Later that day he tells me that MOW is crazy and tells me what she did. Hmmm how did he know? She called him and he went to see her she argued with him that he had been lying all along about not even sleeping in the same room as me...
Blah blah blah . He felt I should get a restraining order. I got one and needed to go to court two weeks later. Well I got the court papers with date and then he wanted me to forget it and not even show up in court. I said no and that was a huge fight. I went to court and she was there of course. She was texting for like an hour as we waited to be called in. Well she was texting my H! I knew because he called me that moment yelling his head off telling me why did I go to court to just drop this shit etc...
I was hurt and furious because he in so many words was defending her. The judge could not give me a permanent restraining order because I needed my H to testify that MOW told him what she did and she showed him the pics of us in bed!
That was almost 3 years ago and that restraining order now haunts me :(
Families see that in my record "repeat violence" and don't want to hear an explanation. They don't even know what it means unless they click on "court documents" where it shows that I put the restraining order against someone and I have never EVER had anything on my record.
I don't even know what to feel. I'm feeling down because I haven't found work in 4 months and we need the income. Ugh!!!! Just had to vent
DD 6/26/10 (he broke down & confessed)
DD#2 3/14/11 H in OW's car
TT 7/1/11 (NC broken, through emails)
He needs to write a signed affidavit for you to include in your job applications stating this is his issue and you were not in any way at fault and have in fact handled everything with grace, dignity...and no drama or violence.
Straight talk below:
Unfortunately, restraining orders aren't the biggest problem. As a potential employer, how would I know that your H doesn't have another crazy, stalker woman that he is having an A with? I wouldn't want my children exposed to this drama and dysfunction. And, would I see it as a reflection of your judgement that you have chosen to stay with this man? Right or wrong, I would.
Sorry. I hope he's worth it. He has negatively impacted your life, again.
[This message edited by nomistakeaboutit at 6:48 AM, June 23rd (Sunday)]
Hope this helps.
I would know it wasn't the fault of the person needing to RO, but I wouldn't risk my kids with someone who had someone harassing or threatening them in any way.
I would not hire someone who is staying with a man who wouldn't help protect his wife.. How would I know he isn't still in an A with crazy OW & she is going to start stalking you with my children..
do you see what a person could think??
I also think the bigger picture is also why your WH wouldn't testify.,. have you two addressed that at all? He seemed to be protecting the OW instead of you!
I would go to the courts & ask that it be removed from the records (not sure if you can) good luck
While waiting for that family, try focusing on how you would have felt if you wanted to go to court but couldn't due to your profession- how it would look to potential future employers.
I don't know about you, but I would have gone CRAZY with rage thinking she won. She held the cards. She fucked my husband and climbed my house to take photos of me asleep and there's nothing I can do if I ever want to work again!
IDK, it would have been the catalyst that made me D my WH- not the affair.
Yup, I would have gone to court...then found a new line of work!