For me, my situation has been the same and also wildly different from the majority of situations on here. After I found out about the main A- 2 years with a friend who lived just four doors up from us- l started finding out other little details and clicking bits and pieces together. There were other women, people to whom he had made me deliver public apologies for suspecting them at the time and all these people conspired to make me feel like I was going mad. So I threw him out and had approximately 11 weeks of working out what i thought was the nastiest puzzle ever. Then he got arrested. Children's protective services came and interviewed me. Asked me a bunch of questions that I had no idea what relevance they had. Then he called from lock up and told me why he had been arrested. He said it was true , that he has slept with this 13 year old when he was 30, but told such a convincing version of events that I wanted to believe that he hd been out of his mind with drink and grief and that she had come onto him. It didn't make it ok, nothing did. But in my mind, which was tired and confused after living with a sociopath for eight years, it explained it. I didn't think that I could be the kind of person to make my bed and my life with a paedophile and not know it. I couldn't bear to think that of myself, as if I was somehow to blame and all this was my job to make ok. Anyone who has lived with somebody as devious and manipulative as this man will know how easily they get into your head and make you feel responsible for their emotions- far ahead of your own.
Anyway, he went to prison and I have described before the shock I felt upon seeing his face when he was sentenced and knowing beyond a doubt, in that moment, that he had done every single one of these things he'd been charged with and more.
I told him as soon as he was removed from suicide watch that it was never going to work between us. I messaged his strange, enabling family and told them to leave me and my children alone and contacted a solicitor to arrange a no contact order. I met a wonderful man and just happened to fall in love with him.
When he was released from prison this week, it was to the realisation that he will not be twisting me around his little finger, he will not be guilt tripping me into anything, he will not be seeing the children or myself and neither will his family. He will hear that I have a lovely new man and that we are happy, and he will see that all his possessions that were here are with his mother. He will hear that I sold the bed he built and burned other things. He will know that the children are happier without his constant pressure and crazy expectations of them and that they don't ask about him unless its for reassurance that he isn't returning. He'll learn that there is no place for people like him in a decent family. Probably around the time he will have learnt that the family of that girl are sharing his address online and making sure people know what he did and how little he paid for it in the grand scheme of things.
That's the best revenge. That I'm doing well. That the children are proven to be better off without his influence. That people finally saw him for the manipulative crazy that he is. That he's got no hope of pulling his usual tricks. It's all over.