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huRtZ413 posted 6/23/2013 09:10 AM

so i feel i got everything i have asked everything under the sun and im fine with with the info i got not that it makes sense nothing will ever make it all make sense but a least i got my answers.

So im just mad that i had it all dawn on me just how far back his selfish behaviors went it makes me want to scream how i never saw it before.

work was always number ONE!!!
now i get he had to support our family yes this was one reason but he throw himself into work and always seeked higher positions and more responsibility at work and to top it off it wasnt for a pay increase he cant get a pay increase he just did it so ppl see him as qualified or ppl can look up to him he likes to lead very much .
then on top of that when away on work trips was he calling me every chance he got well no he was hanging with the guys while i was home taking care of the kids . when he was home he was crazy about gaming he would game from the min he hot home til i put food on the table he would eat then play again and eventually make it up to our bedroom . on top of that he was getting into his own hobbies as if work and gaming and hanging with buds were not enough and would leave early morning to fish with the guys on the weekend being the weekend was the only time he could devote full time to us yet still there he was going fishing. (we tried to go together but he would get mad because the kids wouldnt let him enjoy it cause they would cry and complain about the heat)in these past years i would say if i had to calculate the undivided attention we got from him i probably got 1 years worth of complete undivided attention over 4 years living together .

im angry that i didnt pay attention i thought i was being the understanding wife that let him do all these things when he never really invested....he thought he did i thought he did but that simply wasnt the case.

yes he loves us
and yes he supports us
but i think that his idea was just that
love and financial support and he was doing his job . NOT

now i dont know if i should tell him this because he is now changing that and i didnt even realize all the stuff he wasnt doing until he got rid of these other priorities and focused on us.

silly shit is that i always said he was the guy that had his shit straight took care of his family and knew what was important its not til now where im thinking wow shit was ass backwards the whole time ......

[This message edited by huRtZ413 at 9:13 AM, June 23rd (Sunday)]

uncertainone posted 6/23/2013 10:27 AM

the undivided attention we got from him i probably got 1 years worth of complete undivided attention over 4 years living together

1 year out of 4? With kids, hobbies, work? That's actually not bad. I'm juggling just work and kids. My SO doesn't get undivided time much at all.

You're both young. He just turned 25 by your tag line so was barely legal drinking age when you two got together. Seems he juggled a bit too much but if he's learning now, that's good.

The affair has nothing to do with the above comments. That was a fucked up choice period. I hope those thought processes and coping skills are his priority to work on and fix.

The fact he left, drove straight home and told you the truth owning his shit is a pretty good sign he is up to that task.