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Not what you think!! I don't know if this was coined by Opie and Anthony (radio show), but the douche chills describe that icky feeling you get when someone is being a d-bag, about to do something d-bag like, or you see someone and automatically know they are a d-bag. So STBX (first time I've used that but let's just call it how it is) comes downstairs. I don't really look at him in the first place and today is no exception. Then he says, "I messed up my mustache." I look and he has shaved his mustache and goatee off. He has had it forever and I prefer it. It gives him a stronger jaw line, without it he looks twelve, and I just always thought he looked better with facial hair. I had to walk away to control my smiling and so I didn't burst out laughing. I don't know if he did it to "piss me off" or show me has moved on...or something like that. Or if he really did just mess up. Either way, he looks stupid. Then I remembered who likes him without facial hair...his grandmother. At least grandma will fawn all over him. Ha!

My XH shaved off his facial hair not long after we split up. He looks like a fat girl without his beard, so I could not stop laughing at him.

I just choked on my coffee. A fat girl!!!!!!

It is a nice feeling to not care in the least bit. Before I'd be upset because I always preferred the facial hair. It feels good to laugh.

It gives him a stronger jaw line, without it he looks twelve, and I just always thought he looked better with facial hair.

Same here. STBX has absolutely no chin and looks terrible without facial hair. Add that to the list of things that are not my problem anymore

Waffle actually grew a goatee fairly recently. I found it difficult to contain the laughter (it doesn't suit him). He shaved.

Yeah, xwf grew a full beard. He looked like a redneck.. my guess is he tried to change his outside to hide the hideous changes on his inside. I think this is fairly common. when I divorced exh he had always told me to never get a tattoo or cut my hair. First thing I did was cut my hair, second thing was I got a small rose tattoo on my left hip. Unfortunately, it backfired as he liked both.

Yep. Mine shaved off his 'stache after our breakup too. I didn't notice for almost a year, as I don't look at him anymore. When I do, now I can just see more of his ass.

Right now I'm at my students' recital (bad teacher on her phone...but my students have already performed). But when he got home from bringing DD4 to her hockey practice, I was waiting with the door open. I was watching him put stuff back into my truck and doing a little song and dance, "you look like a douche...you look like a douche...what a douche." Heh...douche.

My ex grew a goatee. He knew I hated it as it makes him look like pube-face. It makes his face look fatter. The grey in it makes him look even older.

Not my problem.

I'm just picturing his grandmother telling him how handsome he looks. That makes me laugh more. Now I've been singing, "he's a douche, he's a douche," to the Map Song from Dora the Explorer.

I've been singing, "he's a douche, he's a douche," to the Map Song from Dora the Explorer.

I have a good one for you guys.

Just after my ex moved out he turned up at our sons basketball game with the most god awfull jet black, horrendous eyebrows!!!! Turns out he had dyed them with Just for Men hair dye.

Looked bloody awfull! He has solid grey hair, grey eyebrows and red boozy skin. He looked like a demented geriatric Groucho Marx!! I couldn't keep the shocked look off my face.

It's pathetic the lengths they will go to try and look younger

Bahahaha! Sometimes I need to say what is on my mind and I think if I saw that I'd HAVE to say something...and it wouldn't be good and I'd laugh my ass off. I'm not sure if I necessarily believe that he "messed up his mustache" because seriously...he has done it maybe 3 times...if that....in 15 years. I think he is just trying to prove something. Or try to get some kind of reaction, good or bad, out of me. Sorry dude...I really don't care.

my guess is he tried to change his outside to hide the hideous changes on his inside. I think this is fairly common.

Yes! Absolutely.

My XH used to be clean-shaven, which I loved. He's since grown this disgusting ZZ Top-esque beard.

He now looks like a middle-aged wanna be hipster derelict hobo. It's really pathetic. OW is a wanna be hipster, it's just that ... she's just not cool. They look perfect together!

I love everyone's descriptions of their exes! What is more entertaining is that in three months I have lost 33 pounds and I am still going. Not the infidelity diet... just hard work at the gym and eating right. And I'm looking better and better.

Holy crap! 33 pounds in 3 months is a DRAMATIC change - and it looks especially well when it happens through hard work and not because of emotional devastation. You're stbxh no doubt sees the positive changes you're making and I'm sure he's both envious as well as regretful. I'm sure he's secretly attracted to the new you and feels like he had to compete - hence the pathetic attempt to alter his image. Keep up the good work!

Congrats on the 33 pounds of weight loss due to hard work - I bet you look FABULOUS!!!!

middle-aged wanna be hipster derelict hobo

I am enjoying so much these hilarious descriptions of all your exes. Now I must add mine!

When my left eight years ago it was for his 20-year-old howorker whom he married. She was half his age.

I guess in his attempt to look younger he's done all kinds of things. He dresses himself in Hollister And other young people clothing. He also grew himself a goatee. I hate facial hair on poopsmear. He has a very round face and it looks awful on him! Add to that that he is shooting up HGH and he is bloated all over. He's pumping up at the gym and over doing that b/c he has short man syndrome since he is only 5'7" So he just looks like a sawed-off, pumped-up, bloated middle-aged teenager-wanna-be. He walks around with his chest puffed out and arms bowed like a proud rooster. I want to roll my eyes every time I see him. He makes me want to