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Newest Member: Mercedes66 (46046)

User Topic: Is this Googling a Danger to Our R?
anonymous823
♀ 39433
Member # 39433
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I obsessively Google my F and the OW because I first became suspicious of their affair when I Googled him and saw she was following him on a social media site and commenting on his page. He was not on hers.

The page and email account associated with it have since been deleted by him but I still Google my F and the OW every day. Her page is still active and I worry I might discover them linked on social media again. My F's behavior doesn't suggest that but I'm now hypervigilant.

Is this bad for R? I think it's a compulsion that stems from the pain and I'm trying to prevent myself from being the last to know again. It's starting to give me more anxiety though and I don't know if I should stop or not. Any advice would help greatly.

[This message edited by anonymous823 at 10:39 AM, June 23rd (Sunday)]


Posts: 89 | Registered: Jun 2013
UKlady
♀ 39058
Member # 39058
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Personally I'd say do it while you feel the need. I have also done this in the past and still do occasionally. I think it is a stage which occurs for some of us and you hit the nail on the head when you said you are hypervigilant.

In time, I believe, the compulsion to do this will lessen as long as your F shows true remorse and is doing all the right things in respect of R.


Me: BW 45
Him: WH 48
Married: 6 years, together 9 years
D-day: 3 January 2013 - he confessed.
A: June-Dec 2012
No children.

Posts: 153 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
HardenMyHeart
♂ 15902
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 11:19 AM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

These are classic symptoms of hypervigilance:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypervigilance

It is fairly normal following a trauma, such as infidelity.

After doing the same things as you, I finally came to the realization that I have no control over someone else's actions and therefore there was nothing I could do to prevent another affair. If my wife cheats again, I'll just to have to deal with it when it happens. Snooping and playing all the what-if scenarios in my mind, just caused me unnecessary stress and anxiety.

What helped me the most was daily meditation and vigorous exercise. I found that by calming my mind, it would help the obsessive thoughts from being blown out of proportion.

You'll find that R teaches us a great deal about ourselves. So sorry for what you are going through.


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions.


Posts: 5764 | Registered: Aug 2007
Kelany
♀ 34755
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I went through this and in time it has become almost non existant. But I think everyone goes through it.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
Knowing
♀ 37044
Member # 37044
Default  Posted: 7:51 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you in IC? If not you could be working some of this out there. I was downright obsessed post DDay. I think it's normal and will hopefully lessen for you at some point. My interest eventually dropped off from daily to weekly somewhere between month 8 and 9.


Me: BW, Him: fWH
Together 12 years
My EA (?) 2005-2011
His STA/PA: D-day: 19/09/12
TT: 08/12/12

We are in R.


Posts: 698 | Registered: Oct 2012
Topic Posts: 5

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