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Newest Member: Tigress5455 (45753)

User Topic: Is It Normal To Feel Hollow After Sex With 1st New Person?
NGFinishLast
♂ 38233
Member # 38233
Default  Posted: 1:23 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There are so many factors that could be causing me to feel this way, so I figured I'd ask. I went on a date and ended up having sex with someone not too long ago. The whole experience just left me feeling awkward and completely unfulfilled inside. I don't know what's causing it, but based on how I feel right now, I'm not really itching to try again.

I'll admit that I'm moving kinda fast as D-Day was only five months ago. I sincerely don't have any romantic feelings or ANY feelings for that matter toward STBX or the divorce in general. I was going to IC once a week since D-Day, but my counselor felt that I didn't really need the sessions anymore. I guess after the initial shock wore off I realized I wasn't really as happy in the marriage as I thought. I was actually miserable.

Still, for 9 years I had the same sex partner, and that has to mean something. We got married when I was 21, and before her I was in a long term relationship, so including this latest person, I've only had sex with 3 people. That could be it. All I know is that the person I slept with was someone I've known since high school and always thought was out of my league in every way. I expected to feel excited or something. Instead everything was just 'meh.'

Is that normal the first go round?


D-Day: January 2013
Me, BH: 31
Her, WW: 31
Married 10 years
Kids: Daughter, 3
Divorced: Sep 2013

Posts: 46 | Registered: Jan 2013
FaithFool
♀ 20150
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll admit that I'm moving kinda fast as D-Day was only five months ago.

Uh, yeah...



DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17712 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Housefulloflove
♀ 38458
Member # 38458
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it's normal under those circumstances. It likely was too soon for you and maybe it wasn't the right person.

Since you feel that way, take it as a sign that you need to give yourself more time and resolve some things with yourself before trying again.


Me-29 Starting over
ExWH-29 Probable NPD, PA, manchild
3 beautiful young children
DDay 1/20/13 Admits PA
No remorse so NO R. DIVORCED! 9/2013

Posts: 541 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: USA
Vulcanized
♀ 33523
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes. Way too soon.

What HFOL said, too.


Me: MH 40s; Him: MH 40s (I had RA)
OW: 30s, moron; one of many
M: 8 yrs
3/13: D'd
-----------------------------------------------------------
Everything is as it should be.

Posts: 773 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Vulcania
jimbo25319
♂ 31891
Member # 31891
Default  Posted: 10:11 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was thinking about this issue just earlier today.

WW have been together for the last 22 years. I was thinking what it will be like on a date with someone else. Then I thought about sex and I started getting sad.


Posts: 480 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Maryland
Kajem
♀ 36134
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 10:50 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll admit that I'm moving kinda fast as D-Day was only five months ago. I sincerely don't have any romantic feelings or ANY feelings for that matter toward STBX or the divorce in general.

Question: Do you have feelings toward anything, anyone?

The reason I ask is that you may be numb. And not manifesting feelings. Our bodies/mind have a way of doing that when things are such a shock, or our mind just can't deal with the rapid changes that happen when a major life event takes place.

Give yourself some more time...



I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5550 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
stronger08
♂ 16953
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 4:27 AM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bro its perfectly normal. When my M was dead I decided to start going out more, drinking too much and basically acting like an asshole. This led to some rather awkward and unfulfilling sexual encounters with some dysfunctional women. For me I was trying to reclaim my manhood and prove I could still attract members of the opposite sex. But as you said it was all very hollow and left me more confused then before. It was suggested here and in IC that I stop dating for an undetermined time to get myself to a better place. That took me a whole year. It was good for me as I became happy with myself and to a better place in my life. After my self imposed celibacy I hit a dry streak like no other. And I have to be honest with you here. To this day, many years later I'm still having relationship issues. But that's another story for another time. Take whatever amount of time you need to get yourself together. Things will change for the better.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5831 | Registered: Nov 2007
nolight
♀ 32785
Member # 32785
Default  Posted: 7:04 AM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just what stronger said. It's also normal for you to want to sleep with other people to try and move on or to numb your pain. This is a tough time and you will go through many emotions, give yourself a bit more time.

Posts: 518 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Hawaii
NaiveAgain
♀ 20849
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

D-day was just 5 months ago? How could you have possibly built up a strong enough bond with another person to feel something deep and fulfilling when you have sex? You are probably still a bit in shock about your d-day. I understand the loneliness and the wanting to feel wanted again, but pushing that issue will only worsen the way you feel instead of help.

Take some time and heal. Don't push yourself to date again or try to build something with someone else just yet. Hang with trusted friends and nurture yourself (yes, even men need to baby themselves and nurture themselves for a while after something like this!)

Be kind to yourself and take the time to heal....


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15418 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Nature_Girl
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 7:20 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's normal to feel hollow after having a one-night stand. It's also normal to feel hollow after having meaningless sex that you were using to try and fill up the pain & emptiness inside of you.

BTDT (long long ago before I was married)

Until you are emotionally & spiritually healed from your divorce, sex probably isn't going to work out for you. You may have a few rewarding romps in the hay and nights of jungle monkey sex, but overall I bet you'll continue to feel hollow & cheap until you are healed & actually ready for a sexual relationship again.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10035 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
kernel
♀ 27035
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just what stronger said. It's also normal for you to want to sleep with other people to try and move on or to numb your pain. This is a tough time and you will go through many emotions, give yourself a bit more time.

I agree with this. I also think you should consider the other person when you are dating and/or planning sex with them. Make sure they aren't expecting more. It isn't fair to hurt others in your efforts to numb your pain.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5336 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
Dadtryingtocope
♂ 36726
Member # 36726
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stonger and I are always on the same page here. We really could be bros.

I read a lot here and this happens to a lot of people. We have been pushed aside and in some ways want to feel relevent. There are even some articles I've read that after D you should get out and date. Date a lot with no expectations. Just have fun.

There will be other here that say you need time to yourself and to heal yourself. I believe them when they say it will take time to have a true meaningful relationship.

The time is probably different for everyone. Some say 2 year minimum. I'm not sure that is true for all. But take the time you need to like yourself again. Good luck man and keep your head up.


BH me 46
WW her 38
DDay 8-17-12
2 kids (12, 9)
Filed for D 9/14/12
Divorced 4/17/13
She - engaged 5/13 married 9/13

Posts: 594 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: PA
Topic Posts: 12

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