So sorry for the despair and loss that you both are feeling. We understand, believe me we do.
First - you both are so very new to this news. It is way too much to absorb. I am 1.5 years out of DDay and I still struggle at times.
Remorse and regret are two very different things. Remorse, true remorse is needed for any chance of reconciliation.
The WS many times looks to the BS to help them heal because of all the guilt and shame they feel (and they should feel both).
They are unsure how to proceed so they look to the BS for direction. It sucks and it's stupid but it's true.
They were/are broken when they chose to cheat. Now they have to fix themselves, the marriage and the BS...whoa...too much.
Usually the BS is the stronger one in the relationship so we are left to navigate the waters. It is not fair but I find that most of the time it is reality.
Define your boundaries. Convey what you need today. This might change tomorrow and his job is to be there as you ride the roller coaster of emotional hell he's put you on.
2.5-5 years on average to recover. There is nothing in 11 days that he can do to make this right. Nothing.
But he can show remorse, apologize for hurting you and do whatever it is YOU need to feel safe.
IC for you is highly recommended. You have a lot to wrap your head around and you need to figure out what YOU want.
Unclear on your reference to six years?
I don't doubt he loves you but he loved himself and his selfish needs more. Ask him what will change that going forward?
I would recommend IC for awhile for both you and WS separate before MC. He needs to figure out why he chose to cheat and work on dealing with his own issues before you really can address the issues of the marriage. It will all be about the affair at this point and understandably so.
Good luck to you both. We are here and we care. Stay strong.
[This message edited by 1Faith at 4:34 PM, June 23rd (Sunday)]