Thank you. I believe in trusting my instinct, too... but there is a lot at stake with kids involved. I thought it would be easy to find solid proof, but it is not. I see a therapist on my own about this, (it has been about 8 weeks since I really felt urgently something was wrong... and a year since I have felt this distance growing.)
The therapist agrees it looks like cheating, but therapist said it could also be a mid-life crisis my 50 year old spouse is trying to work out.
Some of the signs I see are:
working out, setting up a new home gym, using rogaine, getting lasik, (he was always active, but he never really cared about his looks before... he is naturally good looking and was content to just be "outdoorsy." But now rogaine and lasik and working out to build muscle??? This is out of character. He never wanted lasik, he would never even wear contacts. he was fine wearing glasses for all the years I have known him.)
He uses my wrinkle cream around his eyes. (this is a guy who barely wore any lotion before.)
More on my list:
a fragrant deodorant appeared that I did not buy him and he stumbled and said I bought it, then he said he bought it for me. (we always use unscented.)
But then, without further conversation, I found that deodorant in the trash... so he threw it away for some reason.
I went out of town for three days... did all laundry before I left. When I came home, the three pairs of underwear had semen stains. There is no evidence of another woman, just him, (I had them DNA tested for a woman,) but he could have showered before putting them back on, if he even put them back on.
I look now, and there is never any semen on underwear when I am around... we had been very sexually active until I developed my suspicions, and now that area of our relationship suffers.
Ironically, this was not an issue that would have driven him to cheat. But we get undressed, so no need for semen stains in underwear like teenagers might have.
Ugh. This is humiliating.
He is also slower to answer my phone calls and texts.
We have GPS tracking on all our phones, and when I suspect he was with OW, his phone was left at home or turned off.
Some more subtle issues: he does not want to talk. He barely makes eye contact with me. He is not fun and funny with me the way he used to be.
Since I confronted him, and he denied, he has been much more attentive, but it feels hollow and I feel sad.
I am grieving.