Topic: Did Anyone Cancel Vacation After the A?
Member # 39433
| Posted: 7:05 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013|
We have a trip to an annual family gathering scheduled and I'm on the fence about going because R is still new and I think pain and tension might be noticeable. Did anyone else cancel travel plans due to the A?
Posts: 89 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 28564
| Posted: 7:17 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013|
Yes we cancelled anything that I was not comfortable going too.
Married-14 years together 15
Kids 4: 17, 14, 10, and 5
DDay#1 9-26-2008 Dday#2 4-26-2010
We have R!!! But I still hate the number 26!
This too shall pass
I edit a lot because that stupid box is so small!
Posts: 902 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Michigan
|Sad in AZ|
Member # 24239
| Posted: 7:49 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013|
Only you know what you can truly withstand, but if I were in R, no matter how tenuous, I'd still take a trip that I really wanted to take. For me, conquering fears means facing them.
You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.
Posts: 22820 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
Member # 34827
| Posted: 8:10 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013|
Our family has not all gone on a family vacation since the └. I've taken the kids but ws doesn't go. I've made excuses so many times, no one asks where he is at get togethers or fam reunions. We have more fun without him.
Yes we cancelled the first one after DD.
[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 8:11 PM, June 23rd (Sunday)]
Been with him over half my life
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Posts: 5729 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
Member # 34243
| Posted: 8:17 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013|
Is this family gathering is a day or two, with a big picnic, and typically you would both be socializing and catching up with others separately, while other spouse talks sports or music with other guys, you're shopping or socializing with other family members?
If you don't normally make-out and act like newlyweds in front of people, they may not notice.
If you think you'll break into tears if seeing a wedding photo or being reminded of past special moments, or otherwise be so emotional or have fights to where it leads to drama and nosy folks butting in, then don't go. If you think you'll be emotional or tempted to spill it all for support - don't. It can backfire.
[This message edited by Heavy Sigh at 8:23 PM, June 23rd (Sunday)]
Posts: 1926 | Registered: Dec 2011
Member # 26651
| Posted: 8:19 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013|
We were scheduled to leave for vacay exactly one week after D-Day. I contemplated cancelling it, but decided regardless of how big of a jerk Do3K was at that moment, our kids still deserved a good vacation. We went and it was actually really good for us; we were able to get away from all of the additional stress at home and were able to focus on our family. It may not be the solution for everyone, but it was a good one for us.
Me: BW/32 The kidlets: DS15, DS12, and DD9 The hounds: Four Shih Tzu's The felines: Two short haired kitteh's
God dwells within her; she cannot be destroyed. From the very break of day, God will protect her.~Psalm 46:5
Posts: 11753 | Registered: Dec 2009
Member # 32554
| Posted: 8:35 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013|
We had a family vacay scheduled about one month after DDay. I wish we'd cancelled it. I was utterly miserable because STBX made it his mission to ditch me when we went places, leave me behind, exclude me, and keep the kids away from me. I agreed for us to take the vacay after DDay for the sake of the children. I had no idea he was going to use it as an opportunity to punish me for taking off my rose-colored glasses & start talking about the elephant in the room.
Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
Posts: 10722 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 39169
| Posted: 8:59 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013|
I've wrestled with this too - our family vacation is next week - just two raw months out from D day. It was assumed WH would still take the teens and I would be on the fence until the day we leave. At this point I'm going, as we are trying to R and keep life as normal for our kids as possible while we sort it out. I reserve the right to change my mind up until I print a boarding pass.
40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013
Time is a great healer but a terrible beautician.
Posts: 847 | Registered: May 2013
Member # 27176
| Posted: 9:29 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013|
We had a vacation planned about 2 months after. MOW helped with some of the planning, which was how they began talking on a regular basis. At first I didn't want to go, but then I decided that it was best to keep some kind of normal for the kids.
I did my best to enjoy myself. It wasn't as carefree as I might have liked, but It was nice to be with the kids and have some time away from home. In some ways the time away was helpful to me. I did have a nice time.
We also had a family gathering 3 weeks after that we still attended. I didn't want his actions to ruin time to see my family. We only get together as a large group, once every 7 years or so. I really wanted to see everyone. I managed that trip pretty well, considering.
You really need to decide if its something you WANT to do. If so, I would go. If you feel uncomfortable with it, and it happens every year, you may want to sit this one out.
BS:ME DDay: 7/18/09 Last of TT 7/11/10
MOW's EA/PA all were my "friends" but one
Posts: 2372 | Registered: Jan 2010
Member # 38650
| Posted: 9:38 PM, June 23rd (Sunday), 2013|
I didn't but wished I had. For me it was too much of a reminder of our old normal. I found myself breaking down a lot as everything was a trigger. I will say I was only 2 months out then.
Posts: 246 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 33488
| Posted: 12:34 AM, June 24th (Monday), 2013|
I kept mum for seven weeks after D-day to get through my daughter's wedding with an intact family. WS wanted to go on a vacay after the wedding - that was the LAST place I wanted to be with him but didn't know how to get out of it without tipping my hand. I ended up giving him my " I know youre cheating and our marriage is done" letter at breakfast at the hotel. He refused to discuss the topic, because "He wanted me to relax around the pool". (Yeah, like that's on my agenda!)
I picked up my keys, walked out of the restaurant and drove 800 miles home - leaving him there.
True remorse isn't followed by a "but".
Posts: 1809 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Alberta
Member # 38681
| Posted: 12:55 AM, June 24th (Monday), 2013|
I had planned a vacation of 3 weeks for all three of us. Got VISAS ready.
Came back to my country and found out about the A.
When it was time, I just packed my bags alone and left. It was not much of a nice time off as I kept thinking of how my world had crashed, but my 180 started right when my vacation started.
Spent 3 weeks away from the mess, planned to regain control, was in contact with my PI.
Came back, packed my stuff and left for my parents house in another city.
Yup she was still seeing OM.
DS: 3 year old.
No remorse so:
Divorced 02/15/2013. No alimony, no CS, got apartment. Won all battles and mind games off the courts.
Posts: 294 | Registered: Mar 2013
Member # 39530
| Posted: 3:12 AM, June 24th (Monday), 2013|
Yes, we were scheduled to travel the same week he was TTing. Told WH the day before we were supposed to leave that the kids and I were not going. He went without us. His absence gave me time to do some more digging which is when I found all of the other crap!
[This message edited by confused71 at 3:14 AM, June 24th (Monday)]
Me: BS 39
Him: WS 44
Married 10 years, cheated at least 7 of those years
Two young DS
Multiple DDays in May 2013, and still waiting for the next DD to strike
Prostitutes abroad and in our home, 2 long-term simultaneous affairs - 1 PA & 1 EA/PA
Posts: 17 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: The Desert
Member # 28156
| Posted: 8:59 AM, June 24th (Monday), 2013|
Vacataions were always very special for me. He knew this and always tried to arrange one for us all. I can barely tolerate them now. I keep hoping it will change, but I find I think of the EA OR A more. Its a trigger, its very real for me. I feel the same for holidays. Iam trying really hard, but it continues to happen, maybe at a lesser degree. He took OW out of town on work travel. He has also stalked young pretty girls on vacation when things were bad. so... vacation = depressed
a trigger yesterday
Posts: 1933 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: athome
Member # 38072
| Posted: 10:13 AM, June 24th (Monday), 2013|
We were supposed to go on a trip abroad about 6 weeks after d-day. I immediately canceled it upon discovering his A. He still wanted to go but there was no way I was going to reward his cheating with a fun trip. I need to point out that we were NOT in R as he was still seeing OW.
After we started R I chose not to travel to see his or my family for over a year because I wasn't ready.
Me: BSO, 41 / Him: WSO, 41
Together since 2000
DDay: 11/08 A with COW
Reconciled, Married 12/11
Posts: 49 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: PacNW
Member # 36456
| Posted: 10:38 AM, June 24th (Monday), 2013|
Yes, we had already paid for our beach trip (scheduled for 2 months after DDay) AND the kids' first trip to Disney World (scheduled for 5 months after)! He left, I cancelled both and there were no vacations for anyone last year.
My kids were great. They told me that they had been to the beach many times so they didn't need to go again. They said that they knew that I needed the money more to support them. I felt bad but also very proud of my kids. I promised them that I would get them to Disney World one day soon.
Now that he's back, we're planning to take them next year - after we recover financially from the separation.
Me (46) WH (42),2 boys 15 & 11
M 18yrs T 22yrs
Separated 10 months (4/12 to 2/13)
Final Total - #1/#2 ONS and #3/#4 EA/PA - left me for #4, didn't know about #2 and 3 until he moved back home
We are solidly in R now
Posts: 792 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Dallas, TX
Member # 32935
| Posted: 11:17 AM, June 24th (Monday), 2013|
Ah, vacations. Traveling is all wrapped up in the A for me.
MrKOKO, DS and I went to Turkey while he was in the A. It was suppose to be a very special trip for us. Celebrating our 15 year wedding/20 together and both to celebrate our 40th birthdays. Turns out he was texting and calling her the whole time. I was so na´ve and thought he was making work calls. Then we come home and the next weekend, which was Father's Day, he went to a "work conference". Turns out he went to meet up with his TicK. He came back from that weekend and told me he did not love me anymore.
I was clueless that he had started an A. He swore there was no one else. But he decided to go over July 4th weekend to visit a client. Well, that client was his whore TicK. That is when I really found out the truth.
We had a trip we had planned to go to Chicago the week after July 4th to go to a music festival. His TicK did not want him going with me so he cancelled his ticket. I decided that I was not letting him stop me from going. I called a friend who was able to book a flight to join me and we went instead. It was the best decision I made for myself. It was the start of the healing for me. I am so glad that I went anyway without him.
"I know you and you know me and I know you can see. So help me get my way back to you"
Posts: 1005 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: On the corner of Grey St at the end of the world
|Topic Posts: 17|