My best friend of 17 years took me away this weekend, to a city 6 hours away, all expenses paid. We have a mutual good friends there.
As I was leaving town, I could feel the stress leaving me,the pain, the not knowing.
I had a great weekend ( I may have had one too many to drink the one night, I threw up in a garbage can lol). It was just chill, had meals cooked for me (not bad for a bunch of bachelors lol). It was one of the simplest, yet nicest times I've had away in a long time.
As we drove back towards home on Sunday, I could feel the stress returning. Th chest ache, the anger, the profound sadness.
I was super pissed when I picked up my kids from their Dad's to discover that once again, he had not bathed them all weekend!!! Shit is infuriating!
My daughter is 12, so after I put them to bed, I took myself to a movie. Which was fine.
Then I got home, made my bed with my new bedding I bought...got into bed...and BOOOM!!! Headshot!! This wave of sadness smashes over me again.
I know this will resolve, but I hate hate hate hate hate hate feeling this way. Lets throw in the fact that I have strong feelings for the friend that took me away, I resent even more the fact that I'm not "supposed" to be with him, and he's at his whores getting his dick wet.
I kinda wanna kick babies and push over old people.
Maybe Ill just go for a run, in the rain, instead lol