Topic: Does anyone's xWS want extra time with kids over summer?
Member # 38424
| Posted: 10:59 AM, June 24th (Monday), 2013|
Just a thought really to see if anyone has an xWS who is committed to seeing more of their children over the summer months?
Mine doesn't ever ask to see more of his children. He did ask a few months ago about swapping custody so that I would have them over a weekend and he during the week but hasn't mentioned it since. I feel so sad that this loser is my children's father. He only seems to care about himself and his job and has shown that with his actions for a long time now.
Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
Member # 16953
| Posted: 11:27 AM, June 24th (Monday), 2013|
I was awarded standard visitation of every other weekend and one night during the week. But for the first time since my D my XWW has allowed me the whole month of July with my DS12. I picked him up on the last day of school on the 21st and get to have him till Aug 1st. I'm giddy that he is here with me. So yes there are men who want more time with their kids.
You cant eat soup with chopsticks.
Posts: 5832 | Registered: Nov 2007
Member # 33440
| Posted: 11:31 AM, June 24th (Monday), 2013|
Mine alleged that he wanted his court-granted 2 weeks of vacation with J over the summer. However, he didn't get back to me until the day before the due date with his request, so I had to go back to him with what I felt was actually acceptable (he was asking for the equivalent of 4 weeks time, and I wasn't comfortable with that). He misread and misunderstood the agreement, so I suggested he speak with a lawyer to get it resolved in his mind. He failed to do that, and he didn't want to take what I was offering (we only wound up disagreeing on one of the 4 weeks) so he didn't wind up taking any extra time - just his standard EOW. Foolish man, it's not me that he's hurting by refusing his time. Oh well, the more time I get with J, the better.
Me (BS): 32, Mommy to J: 2 1/2 Divorced: 4/10/13
Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself
Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: NY
Member # 15906
| Posted: 12:01 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013|
Yes mine does every summer. He only sees them during the summer, and maybe Christmas or spring break during the year.
It's stated in our parenting plan that he get 5 weeks, but due to our locations...I live in WA state and he in Illinois, it's usually 7-8 weeks. I'm fine with that and the kids enjoy hanging with their Dad. He's a great father, so I don't worry too much. It gives me a much needed break too. I love my kids dearly, but this Momma needs some time to herself to relax without 4 kids (2 teen girls).
SO-5 years together-he decided to end it by cheating too
Posts: 1380 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: PNW country
Member # 38424
| Posted: 12:20 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013|
That's great Mamato4! :) I understand what you mean about having some time to yourself. I have my kids full-time from Sunday-Friday morning when I drop them off to childcare. Their dad picks them up and brings them home on Sunday afternoon. I friday evenings to myself now as I work a double shift on a Saturday and always sleep on Sundays as I'm shattered. My DD who is 14 months is very hard work as she is too young to understand that her patents have split up. My 3 year old son seems to handle it better but I do struggle to give him enough one-one time as my DD is so demanding. But, that is the life of a single parent! I do wish that their father was more interested in seeing more of them over the summer though. He doesn't realise what he's missing and I doubt he even cares.
Posts: 459 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: uk
Member # 21299
| Posted: 6:48 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013|
XH has standard visitation (1st/3rd/5th) weekends and every Thursday. He chooses not to exercise his visitation rights about half the time. He has never requested any extra time.
True happiness comes from within, not from someone else.† Donít make the mistake of waiting on someone or something to come along and make you happy
Posts: 1291 | Registered: Oct 2008
Member # 28851
| Posted: 7:57 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013|
The first summer post-divorce when exH had not yet married OW, he took them for one week.
The past 2 summers (now that he's re-married) he takes his full court decreed 30 days. She doesn't work, so she stays home with them.
It's something I try not to think about too much - that they are taken away from me (I'm a teacher, so I'm home with them in the summer) just to be left with OW. It's hard.
Me: 40 and fabulous!
3 children ages 10, 12 and 14
Ex said he wanted separation 2/14/10
DDay #1: 5/23/10 18 month affair with his 22 yr old paralegal
DDay #2 9/22/10 my best friend, now his wife
Re-married a wonderful man.
Posts: 329 | Registered: Jun 2010
Member # 12014
| Posted: 8:04 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013|
Yes, mine wants as much time as possible.
He was a terrible husband but is an excellent father. Very involved! We have been divorced since 05' and not once has he missed any of his scheduled time with our kids. He and I live an hour away from each other. In Los Angeles that can be a couple hours of travel time.
[This message edited by forced2moveon at 8:05 PM, June 24th (Monday)]
Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: Southern California
Member # 30346
| Posted: 8:32 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013|
For the first time in 3 years, my ex asked for more time. I asked him why he wanted them now, and he responded, "Well, I'm finished with school now...so I have more time."
Yup, folks. He thinks it is perfectly acceptable to parent when he "has time".
I did give him one two week block, waiting to see how it goes.
me...BS, 44 years old, 2 small kids
WS, 41, multiple gay affairs
M 15 years, together 17
Posts: 4231 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: South
Member # 28127
| Posted: 9:04 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013|
Nope. XH hadn't seen his children for six months and now it sounds like he's not taking them at all this summer....although he gets them a month during the summer per custody decree. The kids could very well almost hit a year before seeing their father.
He's a douche bag. Pretty much abandoned his four older girls as well.
You're not alone.
Me - Now 36 y/o
WXH: Now 45 y/o and 18+ hrs away -NPD asshole now onto wife #3.
My sweeties: 5 yr old B/G twins. 90% custody (or more) since 14 months old.
D-Day 4/4/10 PA('s?) & EA's - D'd 7/11
Posts: 1691 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Upper Midwest
Member # 36445
| Posted: 6:52 AM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013|
He has EOW plus half of the school holidays. He doesn't take them for his designated weeks over the holidays and frequently is "unavailable" (insert too busy with OW) on his designated weekends. I offer make up time when he is 'unavailable' he doesn't take this offer either. The kids are old enough now to realise they can't depend on him at all.
"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.
Posts: 1382 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 35695
| Posted: 7:56 AM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013|
No we don't have big school breaks down here like you do, but it wouldn't make any difference. He hasn't seen DD since last November and sees DS about one day a month... on a good month. He just took a job living on a ship so now there's no chance of them ever staying over.
Me:BW 46, Him:WH 50
two kids DD14 and DS17
Married 26 years
OW 28, crew member (he was the ships captain)
"People are formed by their actions, not their ideals" unknown
Posts: 476 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 10552
| Posted: 8:39 AM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013|
Ex-asshat actually expected the younger two bananas the entire summer. Our order was written when they were on a year round school schedule and summer break was one month but now they're back to a traditional schedule and summer is three months.
There's no way any of them would make it. He told the older one she wasn't welcome at his house anymore about a month ago due to makeup use. The youngest went but was back in three days because she can't stand him, his new wife or her step-sister. Part of her complaint is he never spends time with her - he spends most of his time in his room with his wife, just watching TV.
So yes, he says he wants the time but does nothing constructive with it. He's always been a lazy, hands-off parent. If anything, he's gotten worse since we split. None of them want to be around him anymore.
[This message edited by wildbananas at 8:40 AM, June 25th (Tuesday)]
Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan
Posts: 15435 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
|Topic Posts: 13|