"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

brokenhearted76 posted 6/24/2013 11:29 AM

3 weeks out, and the surprises keep coming. More of his lies keep unfolding. I am trying to remain strong, its just so hard sometimes. The "ow" sent him a msg on facebook asking him "how he is doing", i sent her a msg asking her to stay out of our life, that im sure her husband would agree. And i get called a b*tch! Im not the one who caused this, i didnt sleep with her husband!! And when i confronted my hubby, his response was "it was nothing bad, she just asked how i was"! The deal was no contact! I told him to tell her not to contact him again, he did, and she has since blocked him. But, today now feels like dday all over again. Everything feels so raw. Im trying to work on me, and do the best i can for my kids and i. And hubby wants to reconcile, he hasnt left the house. I just dont know anything anymore.

Offhispedestal posted 6/24/2013 12:21 PM

You have every right to feel this way. Why didn't your H block her already?
Why the hell does he say its not a big deal she just wanted to know how he was doing?? That is bs. My H used to talk like that soon after DDay. In his mind he still secretly cared what she thought and even tried to remain friends....my ass! Your H knows what she did is wrong and his response is selfish.

brokenhearted76 posted 6/24/2013 12:34 PM

Thank you. I know i have every right to feel this way. Its just such a struggle. Sometimes i feel numb. Sometimes i hide in a shower just to cry. One minute i remember why i loved him, the next i wish i could hate him.

Ashland13 posted 6/24/2013 12:58 PM

I'm sorry, Broken. It sounds like your H is doing what Perv does, which is to interpret the rules and not do them. We've moved into divorce proceedings and it's still happening. I've even tried warning him but he is deaf to my words.

I'm sorry Ow was so unkind and I don't understand why there are people in the world with us, walking the earth as we do, who have so different a list of values and concept of right and wrong. Or just common decency.

If a man or woman is married, shouldn't it mean something? Stay away! Not available! and so on...but it seems so common, nowadays, even though I sound like my father.

I only had one contact with Perv's OW, I would not allow anymore. I didn't read much of what she texted, but she was basically starting a catfight when he tried to come back and pretend to reconcile. It was all lies anyway and she "has him".

But the more my own fog is lifting, I'm finding that someone who can do all that he did and know me as he did, well, I just can't be with him anymore.

I don't like you're H's reply either, and hope he will work towards respect for you and your marriage.

I still think that marriage can be a good thing and that it should be honored and respected, by the people in it and by everyone else.

I wish you peace.

brokenhearted76 posted 6/24/2013 13:19 PM

Really feeling out of control right now, and no one to talk to. My daughter(has emotional, and anger, and agression problems..bipolar,ptsd) is acting out today. And hubby is making things worse by being snappy and condesending(sp). Hes complaining about everything, never a please or thank you. And i look at him and all i can think is he has no right to act like he is owed anything! Hes the one who cheated! And all he can say is hes sorry it was a mistake! I really want to slap him! I fight to breathe and function, and he acts like a king! Im really thinking this is emotional abuse! I feel awful..headache, stomach pain..ontop of dealing with fibromyalgia

canteat posted 6/24/2013 15:14 PM

I am so sorry that you are in this situation. I am new here too and just want to say that I can relate to all that you are feeling. I don't know up from down right now. and if you told me my dog was a cat i would believe you. Although i have no advice for you or words of wisdom-i just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and others feel the same confusion as you. sending hugs and good mojo.

Pippy posted 6/24/2013 15:32 PM

The obvious problem is you don't trust that he is remorseful or just going through the motions.

His defense of her messaging him is a big red flag. It shows he does not yet understand the pain he has caused you and is not serious about R.

Read about the 180 (Healing Library BS FAQs #11).

jackson posted 6/24/2013 16:03 PM

im sure her husband would agree

Has her BH been informed of the A. Even if he does know he should be informed of her continued contact.

brokenhearted76 posted 6/24/2013 16:18 PM

Yes her husband knows about the "a", he is actually the one who busted them. He picked up her phone while she was asleep, and found a msg from my hubby. He started snooping, took the night to process, and confronted her the next day, then contacted me. Then more details continued to come out. Her hubby said no more contact was allowed between her and mine. I agreed, they agreed. And she has broken that. I have no way to contact her hubby or i would. I had already warned him of facebook before. Im just tired of being on edge and feeling like this. One day i seem ok, mabe even numb. Then something happens that triggers all the pain again.

confused615 posted 6/24/2013 16:50 PM

You need to find a way to contact her husband and let him know she is still contacting your husband.

Why hasn't your WH blocked this whore?

brokenhearted76 posted 6/24/2013 21:24 PM

I have tried to find a way to contact her hubby. No luck. Im not sure what else to do. Its just been a bad day. Just feeling over whelmed and stressed out. Its almost time to try and sleep, and im dreading it. Its the quiet times that my mind seems to get the loudest. And i know tonight is going to be bad.