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ShatteredYogi posted 6/24/2013 13:23 PM

I don't really know how to handle the possibility of moving on (with WWH) knowing & feeling like I was not even a thought in his mind. I'm so stuck on this...I mean, he slept with her (someone I knew) minutes after I walked out the door (he stayed behind to 'help move furniture')& never even so much as gave me, or our marriage a thought...after 8 years together, I wasn't even a thought to him...it kills me inside & I don't know how I can get over that feeling...or even if I can get over that feeling. How can it be so simple for him to just toss everything aside like that? He can't answer that for me. All he can say is that "it was fun to fuck someone else"...I just don't know if I can do this anymore & I really need some imput because I just can't keep going on like this...knowing & feeling that I wasn't even part of his thoughts. HELP!!!!!!!!

crazyblindsided posted 6/24/2013 13:27 PM

All he can say is that "it was fun to fuck someone else"

Well I hope it was worth it to him cause the aftermath of an A is not so much fun.

I know how you feel about not even being a thought in their mind.

Are you in IC? That has really helped me. Also is your WH showing any signs of being remorseful?

The comment above at least proves how selfish he was (and they all are WS's).

sisoon posted 6/24/2013 14:17 PM

At 9-10 months out, I'd expect lots of grief, anger, and fear. Also, recovering from betrayal is lot like recovering from grief, and denial ('I can't believe he'd do...') is part of that. Really, it takes 2-5 years to recover, assuming no new hurts (although life gets better after you hit the bottom of grief, anger, and fear).

But you could be in especially rough shape for lots of reasons, ranging from having difficulty processing your feelings to having and unremorseful WS.

What are you doing to heal yourself? Also, what's your H doing to heal?

kiki1 posted 6/29/2013 07:56 AM

(((Shattered))) I so hear you on this. I've been in an emotional breakdown all of this past week over it. I wish i had some comforting words for you.

Ultimately, i think we have to just accept that they didnt think of us. They were thinking of the AP and getting laid. Very very selfish, thinking only of themselves.

I have struggled this past week d/t thinking that he gave up myself (20+ years), our kids and life for OW, but i dont warrant as much of a sacrifice.

Idk Shattered, i feel your pain too. I'm wondering myself if i can go on. I want to feel special again, as if i am worth moving heaven and earth for.

Considering what our life was like before the A, he has made improvements. Only some though and ultimately, those behaviors are what so badly undermined our marriage to start with. So i feel as if he has tried to improve the marriage situation, but has done little to correct the A. Other than give up the girlfriend.

I'm losing my ability to cope with this.

circleoflife posted 6/29/2013 14:46 PM

Shattered: I ask myself this question daily. Today is a really bad day for me, it's WSO b-day. DD is so excited about it and I just want to vomit. I do love him, but don't know how to deal with this. One minute I'm like ok, I do want to be with him--if he does the right things. Since finding out in April. Nothing really has changed and I found out in May he met her. He says no PA but really I believe it was.
I haven't had any time to think to myself. He's been at my side, not giving me a moment to be alone. Plus with the kids I don't get much down time. I have been thinking long and hard today and maybe tomorrow ask him to move out so I can clear my thoughts.
I don't have much advice. I know I really wouldn't appreciate the cavalier attitude of "it was fun to fuck someone else". Does he show remorse? Although I'm not even sure myself what that exactly is just yet.
Hugs to you!!!