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Newest Member: 20yearsplus (61840)

User Topic: How do you move on...?? I'm stuck...
♀ 38435
Member # 38435
Default  Posted: 1:23 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't really know how to handle the possibility of moving on (with WWH) knowing & feeling like I was not even a thought in his mind. I'm so stuck on this...I mean, he slept with her (someone I knew) minutes after I walked out the door (he stayed behind to 'help move furniture')& never even so much as gave me, or our marriage a thought...after 8 years together, I wasn't even a thought to kills me inside & I don't know how I can get over that feeling...or even if I can get over that feeling. How can it be so simple for him to just toss everything aside like that? He can't answer that for me. All he can say is that "it was fun to fuck someone else"...I just don't know if I can do this anymore & I really need some imput because I just can't keep going on like this...knowing & feeling that I wasn't even part of his thoughts. HELP!!!!!!!!

"I'm wide awake, Yeah, I was in the dark, I was falling hard, With an open heart, I'm wide awake,
How did I read the stars so wrong?..." Katy Perry - Wide Awake

Posts: 26 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Ontario
♀ 35215
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All he can say is that "it was fun to fuck someone else"

Well I hope it was worth it to him cause the aftermath of an A is not so much fun.

I know how you feel about not even being a thought in their mind.

Are you in IC? That has really helped me. Also is your WH showing any signs of being remorseful?

The comment above at least proves how selfish he was (and they all are WS's).

BS/FWS (me):44 Madhatter
WS/BS:47 Serial Cheater
Together 20 years, Married 16
DD(14) DS(11)
DDay(s) Too many to count
False R 7/11/14 Same OW2
"Never seek validation from those who are unworthy."

Posts: 4131 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
♂ 31240
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, June 24th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

At 9-10 months out, I'd expect lots of grief, anger, and fear. Also, recovering from betrayal is lot like recovering from grief, and denial ('I can't believe he'd do...') is part of that. Really, it takes 2-5 years to recover, assuming no new hurts (although life gets better after you hit the bottom of grief, anger, and fear).

But you could be in especially rough shape for lots of reasons, ranging from having difficulty processing your feelings to having and unremorseful WS.

What are you doing to heal yourself? Also, what's your H doing to heal?

fBH (me) - 66 on d-day, Married 43, together 45 on d-day, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
Most of us know only our own experience. That's not enough data to support a general rule that D, or R, is right in every sitch.

Posts: 17077 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Illinois
♀ 37184
Member # 37184
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, June 29th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Shattered))) I so hear you on this. I've been in an emotional breakdown all of this past week over it. I wish i had some comforting words for you.

Ultimately, i think we have to just accept that they didnt think of us. They were thinking of the AP and getting laid. Very very selfish, thinking only of themselves.

I have struggled this past week d/t thinking that he gave up myself (20+ years), our kids and life for OW, but i dont warrant as much of a sacrifice.

Idk Shattered, i feel your pain too. I'm wondering myself if i can go on. I want to feel special again, as if i am worth moving heaven and earth for.

Considering what our life was like before the A, he has made improvements. Only some though and ultimately, those behaviors are what so badly undermined our marriage to start with. So i feel as if he has tried to improve the marriage situation, but has done little to correct the A. Other than give up the girlfriend.

I'm losing my ability to cope with this.

Posts: 1078 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: new york
♀ 39702
Member # 39702
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, June 29th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shattered: I ask myself this question daily. Today is a really bad day for me, it's WSO b-day. DD is so excited about it and I just want to vomit. I do love him, but don't know how to deal with this. One minute I'm like ok, I do want to be with him--if he does the right things. Since finding out in April. Nothing really has changed and I found out in May he met her. He says no PA but really I believe it was.
I haven't had any time to think to myself. He's been at my side, not giving me a moment to be alone. Plus with the kids I don't get much down time. I have been thinking long and hard today and maybe tomorrow ask him to move out so I can clear my thoughts.
I don't have much advice. I know I really wouldn't appreciate the cavalier attitude of "it was fun to fuck someone else". Does he show remorse? Although I'm not even sure myself what that exactly is just yet.
Hugs to you!!!

Me BW (36)
WH (39)
together 16 years
2 kids: 6 DD & 10 month DS
TT: 4/26/13
TT: 5/6/13
more TT: 6/13/13
more TT: 7/9/13

Posts: 40 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 5

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