I love having SI as a resource. I would really love to hear some opinions about a particular situation that HT and I have found ourselves in. It's a bit jumbled, I apologize so thanks ahead of time if you can hang in there with me!
HT and I are personally in a pretty good place. By all measurable terms we are much better than we have ever been. Wr still have occasional downfalls, but overall we are good. That being said, what happens around us can be a bit mind boggling.
Two of HT's coworkers partnered up and started a Crossfit box. One of those coworkers signs his checks and the other is his very good friend. We ended up joining and absolutely love it! Immediately we started noticing some inappropriate behavior between the one that signs his checks and a female trainer. They are both married to other people. At first we weren't sure if we were making something out of nothing. You know, when you are a hammer everything looks like a nail (one of HT's favorite sayings). But it was obvious. The looks, the gentle fix of the collar, the occasional ass grab, sigh. Uncomfortable for sure and quite often a topic of conversation on the way home from our workout. Still, I think we both were hoping to be wrong.
One day, HT's friend tells him to look in the office. He notices that the female trainer's certificates are missing. Friend says suspicions confirmed. Apparently the next morning (HT and I were not there), paycheck signer announces at his class that he and the female trainer had developed an "inappropriate friendship". She would no longer be training there. We all know there is more to that story!
So we still train with this guy and HT still works with him. But it's awkward. It's also clear that he has no intentions of working on his M...or himself. I'm assuming the latter part but all I've ever heard about his wife is what a bitch she is so I'm pretty sure he feels justified.
Unfortunately he has no idea how his actions have caused grief peripherally. His partner (HT's friend) is getting flack at home because his wife wants him to sell his share in the gym. She worries that her husband will someday cheat on her and is the jealous sort. After finding out, I couldn't make eye contact with him (paycheck signer). HT is forced to be around him both at the gym and at work (just two days a week). Yet no one can really talk about it. HT likes his job and the gym. Not willing to give up either one because of this guy's fucked-upedness.
So to make matters worse (or more uncomfortable), the guys from HT's work all go out for a nice dinner the other night with some reps. His friend's wife is going over to another one of the wives house for a dinner and invite me to come along. Now HT's friend's wife has very clear opinions regarding infidelity. She is also very hard to read. We have hung out a few times but always with the guys there too. Other than working out I am not sure what I would have in common with her. But knowing how worried she is about her husband and how she feels about cheating I know she would hate me if she were to know about my past. If she knew I was a cheater she would not socialize with us in any way shape or form and would make her husband stop talking to HT.
That night I made an excuse not to go. I feel I need the buffer of more people. But what about the future and the possibility of more gatherings? I'm in this weird place where honesty is not the best policy for HT's sake yet I feel like a fraud.
It's a sordid tale and we aren't even the real players in this one. Yet it's affecting us because of our history.
Not sure if there is anything to do but keep going on like we have, but it's been on my mind and I am curious what others here think. How do you handle it when other people in your life are affected by infidelity and don't know about your own?