I'm really sorry, InLove.
And I agree with the posts who replied.
What I found with the whole thing is that it's a process that has to happen and for me, it created a massive fog in my brain and disconnected parts of my body-my brain took in information but couldn't believe it-my ears heard it and did the same-and my heart continued on, for a long time after, in love with a man I thought I knew...but he had silently been changing over a long period of time and shut down on me, so I never, ever had a clue...until the end was near.
Even though I am learning that this man was emotionally abusive, I am having trouble letting go too. I am struggling with no contact and feeling almost withdrawal symptoms, and cannot figure out why, with all the pain, so you know there are others out there who share your agony, though at times I imagine it feels as if no one has ever felt such depths of despair before.
One thing I did was make a game with myself, in regard to no contact. I set up some kind of small reward system for x amount of time I could go and indulged myself. It was not always money or large amounts of spending, but it has really helped me go longer and longer stretches. The pride also helps.
I suspect that as you make new discoveries and reality sets in, it will be easier to sort out your feelings and realize the enormity of what cheating is and what it does to us. I think you are in a fog like I was and I felt the very same about working, even though everyone I know shoves me at it. I feel horrified to make an error and have it affect anyone.
I wish you well, I wish you peace, and some moments of clarity, both night and day.
You gave me nothing and now it's all I've got - Bono
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.