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Popping in for a visit to SI. Life is awesome now!

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chloecat1 posted 6/24/2013 18:24 PM

Hi all,
It's been a while since I was last on SI. I feel like I've emerged from a year long nightmare, and the world seems all sparkly and clean now. My divorce was final in May after about 7 months of hashing out details and lawyers stalling proceedings.

A little update I've met an awesome man, one who has shown me that there are still sincere and loving men out there. I trust him, which is a huge step for me. I thought I'd never find that again. We met a couple of months ago and it seems like we've know each other for years. We spend as much of our free time together and miss each other when we are apart. We share a depth of intimacy that was missing in my marriage, maybe from the beginning.

I know that it's up to an individual person as to how soon a relationship with someone should move to the next level, be it sleeping together, living together, marriage, etc. My question is: Has anyone else wondered if things were moving faster than what is considered "normal" timing? Did you do what your heart told you or did you do what other people thought you should do? I guess I'd like to know other people's experiences of how they knew when it was the right time to make that next step. Did other people's opinions matter in any decisions you made?

Thanks for any replies.

gma56 posted 6/24/2013 20:47 PM

Happy to hear that you doing well !

I'm not about judging if someone is moving too fast but when the person is good with who they are and not dragging the previous relationship baggage with them.
I think you have to take what you need/want and leave the rest with other people's opinions of who you date or when you should date. Only you know best. You may make a huge mistake or find the perfect person for you but make it your decision.

nowiknow23 posted 6/24/2013 21:51 PM

*waving* Hi, chloecat!

inhishands55 posted 6/25/2013 00:06 AM

Hi Chloecat 1,,I for one have been divorced for over 10 yrs...I have a lot of people try to tell me who to see and that they were not good enough for me..I had one friend say Why are you seeing him, he isn't marriage material...Who are they to decide for me who is marriage material??? I don't date someone looking to get married again...If it happens it happens...

Only you know when you are ready..And to what level you want to take things...

I am seeing a guy who is younger than me..He came after me and we are doing good..Over 5 months out and it was like we had known each other for years when we first met..

We aren't living together, but it will probably come to that..He has his own place and he will probably continue to have it for when his kids come for a visit..

When I met my man, it felt like things were really going fast...We both said we weren't kids and if it went fast that was fine with us...We did try to slow down a couple of times, but neither one of us wanted to be apart for very long..

We both had trust issues from our past..The infidelity thing..So we walked on pins and needles for awhile...We also had the sex talk early on..About if we crossed the line that we were exclusive.. Any questions we had we asked no matter what the answers were..Honesty is the best policy....

Every situation is different..Do what is best for you..Enjoy your new found relationship... Life is too short to not be happy...If he makes you happy Go for it Girl.....

I.will.survive posted 6/25/2013 05:20 AM

I have been in a relationship for 3 months and it feels much, much longer. I get what you are saying regarding "other people's " opinions regarding rushing things, etc.

Can you talk to those you trust? What do they see that maybe you don't? I find that no one has a clue how deeply committed we are, what we talk about and obviously can't feel the intimacy.

So to anyone looking in, it's just someone you've been dating for a short period of time (in their books...which, by the way, what IS the "right " amount of time anyway??) and they are concerned that you "just" got divorced.

I would like to move in together in a year. I want to go through all of the seasons, let the newness wear off and go from there. But I know that all of the parents would vehemently disagree. So I won't do it. It's crazy to live your adult life thinking about what OTHERS think! But it happens.

SBB posted 6/25/2013 08:38 AM

I think we all need to walk our own paths.

For me it is too soon - whether or not I meet the 'right' person. I don't subscribe to the notion that another person makes you ready anymore than I subscribe to the notion that another person makes you happy (happier, yes - not happy).

I'm also quite concerned about missing yellow/red flags just because I'm with someone better than the X. There are lots around but I deserve a lot more than 'better than' that guy.

Being not ready as I am right now I think that being concerned about what others think would be a yellow flag for me. Not so much about the BF but me.

But as I said we all need to walk our own path. Lots of us don't take the advice on these boards and come to regret it. But we wouldn't really learn anything if we don't risk anything.

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