In a previous post I wrote that my STBX was complaining about my having "3 days of freedom" a week this summer because he has the kids for around 48-52 hrs straight every week this summer. This is despite the fact that the other 3 seasons of the year he has them an average of ZERO overnights a week.
This week (week 2 of the summer fun!) he decided that this arrangement is so unfair that I should meet him halfway and we should exchange the kids in a parking lot. First let me say that he moved about 50 mins away from the kids on his own accord to set up a little *love nest* for him and his mistress. Well the mistress had enough working brain cells to have refused that offer. That bird has now flown FAR FAR away and STBX is a lonely bitter thing taking out his anger on me.
But now taking it out on me is not enough.
I did not agree to his sudden desire to change the pick up arrangements. I have already agreed to modify our support agreement giving him $300 extra a month to care for the kids despite the fact that he will have them only 8 nights a month. He thinks that also spending more money on gas to make his decision to move far easier on him was the only way to make this "fair". Our arrangements are totally in my favor according to his warped view of life.
Because when one parent does 95% of everything child related it's totally to her advantage right?!
So to get to the point...he DEMANDED that I show up at the "halfway point" and refused to come pick the kids up who at this point are packed and waiting for him at their home (my new apartment). BTW my new apartment is a SHORTER drive than the home we own.
I called him to clarify if he was coming or not. I knew it would be an irrational mess from him but I needed to let my kids know if they could unpack and relax because he wasn't coming and his stupid texts about meeting him were beyond ridiculous. So I braced myself and made a call.
He argued that it's not fair that I have "freedom" and he has no personal life. He even repeatedly bought up that I go out with friends sometimes! He argued that he gives me "HIS" money and I have "HIS" car. He doesn't have to take the kids but he does it for me. "Our decisions" bought our relationship to this point.... blah, blah, blah the usual remorseless wayward garbage. He has never and will never be remorseful because that requires things that do not exist in him.
To sum up his rant, I just can't appreciate what a wonderful guy he has been to me and have to control everything even if that means keeping him from his kids. In his mind doing anything other than what he wants is my being controlling and now apparently it's keeping him from picking up his children and enjoying his time with them.
Everything he does and says is like seeing a real life demonstration of what I've learned about NPD. During his rants I kept bringing the topic back to the kids and refused to take the bait in every response from him. The kids were waiting for him without a clue about what kind of stupidity was going on. My repeated response was that this is for him and the kids and he needs to take and enjoy that time and keep me out of it. His response each and every time..."I know that, but(insert some unrelated offense I've done or some nonsensical reason why I should see everything he does with and for his kids as a personal gift to me)
I'm learning a lot about NPD so this extreme selfishness, redefining words like "control" and "fair, making himself out to be the mistreated victim, selective hearing and misplaced anger neither confuses nor surprises me anymore.
He finally shows up almost 3 hrs late. I guess I "won" that ridiculous standoff. But NPDs don't take a loss of control lightly and I know he is going to find some other way to act out and make me pay for daring to go against his wishes.
I'm pretty sure a big reason for his latest mantrum is that he agreed to this visitation arrangement because he knows a "good guy" spends time with his children, but he really has no desire to give up his time and make the sacrifices that entails. He also seems to think that if he doesn't have them he will be taking away my "freedom". He's trying to find a way out of it in a way that allows him to convince himself that he is still Mr. "Good Guy" anyway.
I love my babies so much and it makes me sick that the man I chose to be their father is...that. They deserve so much better. But I'm determined to make this an awesome summer for us whether they spend MOST of it with me or ALL of it with me. His miserable self is no longer a determining factor in our happiness.