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I am at a crossroads. Ready to throw in the towel. Thinking i deserve better. That he doesnt deserve me. Will he ever change. So here it is in as simplest form as i get put it without writing a mini series.

He joined a bikie gang 4 years ago. I wasnt on board. We started to grow apartcas i worked hard, looked after our autistic son and paid most of the bills, keep family etc.

It got too much so i suggestedca separation. He didnt have much to say except he had somewhere to stay. With a mate. 2 weeks passes. I had a weird dream about him the bikies and another woman.

I call him at work to see if he is ok. Tells me he misses me. I say the same. Said we should talk. Go out for dinner. He is distant. Hmm i thought seeing his idea to talk. I ask him is there someone else. He said no, wouldnt be here if there was.

2 days later text me thats he is homesick. Wants to come home. I ring n say we need to talk about things to get back on track. Says b home in 2 days. Came home that night. Things were great. Family holiday at xmas 4 weeks later. Sex fantastic!

Things brilliant till 8th jan. Get a text from him from work saying doesnt want to be married and a lot if bullshit. This is 2012. I devastated. Where has it come from? I go to his work. He is angry. I ask again is there someone else. He says no. We talk it through. Something about business shit.....jan 8th i get a call from OW saying she loves my husband and has been seeing him for 7mths and wants to fight me for him.......

Gobsmacked!..........i confront him.he says its over. Just a fling......doesnt love her. I am in a fog. A continues. Gaslighting....her phone number in bills.....more liesand me fighting hard. Still great sex.....march i find a photo on computer by accident when he is showing me photos of a bike run from his phone. His penis in her mouth......

Why didnt i boot his arse? April he goes out for the day to watch a football game with mates. We r back in a great place. He trying. Hadca wonderful date night 2 wks prior.

He didnt come home. Didnt ring. Didnt answer phone. I was beside myself. I questioned him......more lies. May...credit card statement....hotel bill....i call hotel. They tell me he was there with a lady. Just 2 of them. My sweet talking worked. They were so helpful. I confront him...more lies....i told him i had the thruth. He went ape. Smashed my chairs. Should if booted his arse....why didnt I?

June n july horrible. Hanging on for grim death......fighting.

August he says dont want to be married. Got nothing to do with OW. I put his shit in the driveway. Send text that he no longer lives here seeing he doesnt want to be married. Rings me saying i kicked him out hahaha

I track his phone calls over the next few days. With OW. He denies.......

Found messages on FB. Then wants to start coming over and seeing our son. I tell him not while he is with that whore. Denies, lies, denies, lies.

I was done. In an angry but good place. He rings. Wants to talk. He comes over. I listen. He cries. Wants to repair our marriage. So very sorry. Want to do MC. Was a blubbering mess. I asked him had he told her its over. He said not necessary she angry not talking to him. I said not good enough. She needs to be told. I should have pushed harder i guess. Being a woman i know how we think and i know that she wouldnt have just walked away. He is a coward!

This left me uncertain. We had our good n bads days as thats how it rolls with this crap. October we went to bali. It was great. November 19th wedding anniversary.....fantastic.

December...gut feel...check phone account. He was texting her. More lies...told him anymore contact i walk away. Found her phone number written down in his car. January not a good month. He not trying to make me feel secure so i keep my detective hat on. Early february found photos of her hidden in his tool box.

Said he didnt know how they got there along with her number again in his handwriting.

Late feb found he had messaged her on FB. Deal breaker. I said i am walking. He messaged her thatno more contact and blocked her on phone and FB? Not sure if i could ever trust a man who would tell such horrid lies and deceive me so deeply.

Its like he pulls me in and when we r good pushes me away or starts an argument to make it all my fault.

So over the disgusting treatment. So very confusing. Attempting 180. He is like jekyll n hyde. Not sure which way to go. Am i being used?

Not trying like i think he should.

Would love all imput.

[This message edited by Titanium at 3:28 AM, June 25th (Tuesday)]

Hi Titanium,

it sounds like he would like to have both you and the OW.

The trip to Bali sounds nice, but unfortunately that's vacation life, not everyday life.

He keeps lying. You keep giving him one more chance. That's a rough cycle to put yourself through.

He isn't trying to help you heal and doesn't sound remorseful.

Where's his value to you, again? You love him because.....?.?.?

Good luck to you.

I'm so sorry. You have been thru hell.

Not sure which way to go. Am i being used?

in a word, yes.

Not trying like i think he should.

there's your answer sweetie...he is not remorseful. IMO, the ONLY way I would give a man like that a chance would be EXTREME remorse. He is not remorseful. Personally, I would divorce him.

I have to say Titanium what I said on your last post. Given the extreme violence you detailed in your last post I don't consider it good advice to tell you to do anything but leave or have him leave. Used? Maybe but it doesn't matter because..Abused? Definitely. And that trumps the rest.

If you draw a line in the sand, give an ultimatum like "told him anymore contact i walk away", then you find contact and DON'T walk away, then you are reinforcing, in his head, that he can continue to do whatever he wants to you and you'll just roll over and take it no matter what you say.

And if he's abusive on top of that, then you should run like hell away from that man while you have the desire to!

I think he would like you to be compliant with him having a mistress but you keep causing him problems by asking him not to. Sounds like he could keep this up as long as you let him. When he thinks your ready to give him the gate, he throws you some good sex and promises, but then he repeats. Jus my opinion. He's going to do what he can do. I don't think he will stop until he has serious consequences that stick, even then he may not. I guess its up to you and how long you will be a participant in his sick game. Sending you much strength. I'm so sorry your on the rollercoaster, its a shitty ride and yes I've been on it and still sometimes get back on when I know where it goes.

Get away from this asshole!! Set up a third party to handle visitation for your son and forget this chump even breathes!! What a fucker!! The last and only contact with him you should have is a swift kick in the balls on your way out!!

I am at a crossroads. Ready to throw in the towel.

GOOD! When the fight is fixed and the other side is playing dirty? Get out of the ring.

Thinking i deserve better.

Absolutely. No one deserves to be treated like this. I hope you will be able to make the move from "thinking" you deserve better to KNOWING it. Because it is true - 100% true. What would you tell a friend if she were in your shoes? What would you tell a sister? A daughter?

That he doesnt deserve me.

He is not a safe person, Titanium. You see that, right? You can't will him to change. You can't make him change. What he's doing is working for him, so he has no reason to change. He won't change.

Love yourself more than this craziness, Titanium. ((((hugs))))