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Newest Member: wantingtomovefwd (61122)

User Topic: I told my sister-inl-law too much, need damage control
♀ 34525
Member # 34525
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My SIL (her H is STBX's brother) has been one of my confidantes from the beginning. We initially bonded over our toxic MIL and I felt safe sharing the details of our M with her. She has been a great support.

Now that the D is started and STBX is looking like he will turn nasty, I am worried that she will tell her H everything, he will relay that to his brother (my STBX), and my STBX will be able to use this to hurt me in the D process.

Am I just spinning my wheels here, or is there anything in particular I can do to do some damage control?

BS (me) - 41
WH - 48, EA with HS GF x 2
M: 10 years, T: 20
2 small children
DDay#1 - Christmas 2011 (OW#1)
Confronted - 4/6/12
DDay#2 - July 9, 2012 (OW#2)
He is an SA (Oct 2012)

Posts: 827 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: the other side
♀ 18334
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 10:49 AM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would let your attorney know if there is something in particular you are worried about.

I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.

Posts: 4937 | Registered: Feb 2008
♂ 26023
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would ask your SIL to please keep everything you've told her in confidence. Beyond that, there's nothing you can do, and worrying won't help.

Even if your STBX found out everything you said to your SIL, I doubt it would carry any weight in terms of the divorce proceedings. Judges don't care about that sort of drama. It's normally very dry, just about who makes how much for the purposes of alimony and child support, and also about full disclosure of assets so that things are divided fairly.

The process is so stressful. Hang in there.

BH, now divorced

Posts: 3529 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: New England
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is what you told her true? If so, no worries.

Did you tell her in an attempt to destroy your STBX? Or were you instead merely confiding in her as is the established nature of your relationship?

Yes, you should tell your atty everything. However, it is also true that judges really don't give a shit about anything disgusting & salacious. They really do only seem to care about division of assets & custody, and the less you involve them in that the better.

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!

Posts: 10722 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
♀ 34697
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would unplug yourself from that loop until the D is over. I had to do this with someone I considered a very close friend, unfortunately, she is married to ex-shat's best friend and so the information would dribble out. It can't be helped.

"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4962 | Registered: Jan 2012
♀ 36060
Member # 36060
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think you need damage control either. At least, not likely. The only circumstances under which a judge will give a crap is if it seemed like the children were going to be harmed in some way, or maybe if you were hiding money or something. Like "ha ha... stbx will never see the $2.5 million I have in the Caymans!" Or "don't tell stbx, but the kids and I are moving to Costa Rica next week", or "man, since stbx has been gone, I've had the worst time with this blow habit"

If it is nothing like this, the worst that will likely happen is that you've created unnecessary family drama.

BS-Me 30s
WS-Him 30s
D-Day 4/2012 (Insisted EA only)
D-Day 5/2012 (Did I say EA? Ummm..)
Numerous other TT/broken NC d-days until S 1/2013. D settled 11/2013
MOW-coworker, 40s.
2 DS and DD all w/autism

Posts: 751 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 6

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